The Merry Wives of Windsor

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Act I, Scene I
Enter Iustice Shallow, Slender, Sir Hugh Euans, Master Page, Falstoffe, Bardolph, Nym, Pistoll, Anne Page, Mistresse Ford, Mistresse Page, Simple.

Shallow.
SIr Hugh, perswade me not: I will make
a Star-Chamber matter of it, if hee were twenty Sir
Iohn Falstoffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow
Esquire.

Slen.
In the County of Glocester, Iustice of Peace and
Coram.

Shal.
I (Cosen Slender) and Cust-alorum.

Slen.
I, and Rato lorum too; and a Gentleman borne
(Master Parson) who writes himselfe Armigero, in any
Bill, Warrant, Quittance, or Obligation, Armigero.

Shal.
I that I doe, and haue done any time these
three hundred yeeres.

Slen.
All his successors (gone before him) hath don't:
and all his Ancestors (that come after him) may: they may
giue the dozen white Luces in their Coate.

Shal.
It is an olde Coate.

Euans.
The dozen white Lowses doe become an old Coat well:
it agrees well passant: It is a familiar beast to man, and
signifies Loue.

Shal.
The Luse is the fresh-fish, the salt-fish, is an
old Coate.

Slen.
I may quarter (Coz).

Shal.
You may, by marrying.

Euans.
It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.

Shal.
Not a whit.

Euan.
Yes per-lady: if he ha's a quarter of your coat,
there is but three Skirts for your selfe, in my simple
coniectures; but that is all one: if Sir Iohn Falstaffe
haue committed disparagements vnto you, I am of the
Church and will be glad to do my beneuolence, to make
attonements and compremises betweene you.

Shal.
The Councell shall heare it, it is a Riot.

Euan.
It is not meet the Councell heare a Riot: there is no
feare of Got in a Riot: The Councell (looke you) shall desire
to heare the feare of Got, and not to heare a Riot: take your
viza-ments in that.

Shal.
Ha; o'my life, if I were yong againe, the
sword should end it.

Euans.
It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it:
and there is also another deuice in my praine, which
peraduenture prings goot discretions with it. There is
Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas Page,
which is pretty virginity.

Slen.
Mistris Anne Page? she has browne haire, and
speakes small like a woman.

Euans.
It is that ferry person for all the orld, as iust as you
will desire, and seuen hundred pounds of Moneyes, and
Gold, and Siluer, is her Grand-sire vpon his deaths-bed,
(Got deliuer to a ioyfull resurrections) giue, when she is
able to ouertake seuenteene yeeres old. It were a goot
motion, if we leaue our pribbles and prabbles, and desire
a marriage betweene Master Abraham, and Mistris Anne
Page.

Slen.
Did her Grand-sire leaue her seauen hundred
pound?

Euan.
I, and her father is make her a petter penny.

Slen.
I know the young Gentlewoman, she has good
gifts.

Euan.
Seuen hundred pounds, and possibilities, is goot
gifts.

Shal.
Wel, let vs see honest Mr Page: is
Falstaffe there?

Euan.
Shall I tell you a lye? I doe despise a lyer, as I doe
despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not
true: the Knight Sir Iohn is there, and I beseech you be
ruled by your well-willers: I will peat the doore for
Mr. Page. What hoa? Got-plesse your
house heere.

Mr. Page.
Who's there?

Euan.
Here is go't's plessing and your friend, and
Iustice Shallow, and heere yong Master Slender: that
peraduentures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow
to your likings.

Mr. Page.
I am glad to see your Worships well: I thanke you
for my Venison Master Shallow.

Shal.
Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good
doe it your good heart: I wish'd your Venison better, it
was ill killd: how doth good Mistresse Page? and I
thank you alwaies with my heart, la: with my heart.

M. Page.
Sir, I thanke you.

Shal.
Sir, I thanke you: by yea, and no I doe.

M. Pa.
I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.

Slen.
How do's your fallow Greyhound, Sir, I heard
say he was out-run on Cotsall.

M. Pa.
It could not be iudg'd, Sir.

Slen.
You'll not confesse: you'll not confesse.

Shal.
That he will not, 'tis your fault, 'tis your
fault: 'tis a good dogge.

M. Pa.
A Cur, Sir.

Shal.
Sir: hee's a good dog, and a faire dog, can there
be more said? he is good, and faire. Is Sir Iohn Falstaffe
heere?

M. Pa.
Sir, hee is within: and I would I could doe a good
office betweene you.

Euan.
It is spoke as a Christians ought to speake.

Shal.
He hath wrong'd me (Master Page.)

M. Pa.
Sir, he doth in some sort confesse it.

Shal.
If it be confessed, it is not redressed; is not that
so (M. Page?) he hath wrong'd me, indeed he hath,
at a word he hath: beleeue me, Robert Shallow
Esquire, saith he is wronged.

Ma. Pa.
Here comes Sir Iohn.

Fal.
Now, Master Shallow, you'll complaine of me to
the King?

Shal.
Knight, you haue beaten my men, kill'd my
deere, and broke open my Lodge.

Fal.
But not kiss'd your Keepers daughter?

Shal.
Tut, a pin: this shall be answer'd.

Fal.
I will answere it strait, I haue done all this:
That is now answer'd.

Shal.
The Councell shall know this.

Fal.
'Twere better for you if it were known in
councell: you'll be laugh'd at.

Eu.
Pauca verba; (Sir Iohn) good worts.

Fal.
Good worts? good Cabidge; Slender, I
broke your head: what matter haue you against me?

Slen.
Marry sir, I haue matter in my head against
you, and against your cony-catching Rascalls, Bardolf,
Nym, and Pistoll.

Bar.
You Banbery Cheese.

Slen.
I, it is no matter.

Pist.
How now, Mephostophilus?

Slen.
I, it is no matter.

Nym.
Slice, I say; pauca, pauca: Slice, that's my humor.

Slen.
Where's Simple my man? can you tell,
Cosen?

Eua.
Peace, I pray you: now let vs vnderstand: there is
three Vmpires in this matter, as I vnderstand; that is,
Master Page (fidelicet Master Page,) & there is my selfe,
(fidelicet my selfe) and the three party is (lastly, and finally)
mine Host of the Gater.

Ma. Pa.
We three to hear it, & end it between them.

Euan.
Ferry goo't, I will make a priefe of it in my note-booke,
and we wil afterwards orke vpon the cause, with as great
discreetly as we can.

Fal.
Pistoll.

Pist.
He heares with eares.

Euan.
The Teuill and his Tam: what phrase is this? he
heares with eare? why, it is affectations.

Fal.
Pistoll, did you picke M. Slenders purse?

Slen.
I, by these gloues did hee, or I would I
might neuer come in mine owne great chamber againe
else, of seauen groates in mill-sixpences, and two Edward
Shouelboords, that cost me two shilling and two pence
a peece of Yead Miller: by these gloues.

Fal.
Is this true, Pistoll?

Euan.
No, it is false, if it is a picke-purse.

Pist.
Ha, thou mountaine Forreyner: Sir Iohn, and Master mine,
I combat challenge of this Latine Bilboe:
word of deniall in thy labras here;
word of denial; froth, and scum thou liest.

Slen.
By these gloues, then 'twas he.

Nym.
Be auis'd sir, and passe good humours: I will say
marry trap with you, if you runne the nut-hooks humor
on me, that is the very note of it.

Slen.
By this hat, then he in the red face had it: for
though I cannot remember what I did when you made
me drunke, yet I am not altogether an asse.

Fal.
What say you Scarlet, and Iohn?

Bar.
Why sir, (for my part) I say the Gentleman
had drunke himselfe out of his fiue sentences.

Eu.
It is his fiue sences: fie, what the ignorance is.

Bar.
And being fap, sir, was (as they say) casheerd:
and so conclusions past the Car-eires.

Slen.
I, you spake in Latten then to: but 'tis no
matter; Ile nere be drunk whilst I liue againe, but in
honest, ciuill, godly company for this tricke: if I be
drunke, Ile be drunke with those that haue the feare of
God, and not with drunken knaues.

Euan.
So got-udge me, that is a vertuous minde.

Fal.
You heare all these matters deni'd, Gentlemen;
you heare it.

Mr. Page.
Nay daughter, carry the wine in, wee'll drinke
within.

Slen.
Oh heauen: This is Mistresse Anne Page.

Mr. Page.
How now Mistris Ford?

Fal.
Mistris Ford, by my troth you are very wel
met: by your leaue good Mistris.

Mr. Page.
Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome: come, we
haue a hot Venison pasty to dinner; Come gentlemen, I
hope we shall drinke downe all vnkindnesse.

Slen.
I had rather then forty shillings I had my booke
of Songs and Sonnets heere:
How now Simple, where haue you beene? I must wait
on my selfe, must I? you haue not the booke of Riddles
about you, haue you?

Sim.
Booke of Riddles? why did you not lend it to
Alice Short-cake vpon Alhallowmas last, a fortnight
afore Michaelmas.

Shal.
Come Coz, come Coz, we stay for you: a word
with you Coz: marry this, Coz: there is as 'twere a
tender, a kinde of tender, made a farre-off by Sir Hugh
here: doe you vnderstand me?

Slen.
I Sir, you shall finde me reasonable; if it be
so, I shall doe that that is reason.

Shal.
Nay, but vnderstand me.

Slen.
So I doe Sir.

Euan.
Giue eare to his motions; (Mr. Slender) I will
description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.

Slen.
Nay, I will doe as my Cozen Shallow saies: I
pray you pardon me, he's a Iustice of Peace in his
Countrie, simple though I stand here.

Euan.
But that is not the question: the question is
concerning your marriage.

Shal.
I, there's the point Sir.

Eu.
Marry is it: the very point of it, to Mi. An
Page.

Slen.
Why if it be so; I will marry her vpon any
reasonable demands.

Eu.
But can you affection the 'o-man, let vs command
to know that of your mouth, or of your lips: for diuers
Philosophers hold, that the lips is parcell of the mouth:
therfore precisely, cã you carry your good wil to
ye maid?

Sh.
Cosen Abraham Slender, can you loue her?

Slen.
I hope sir, I will do as it shall become one that
would doe reason.

Eu.
Nay, got's Lords, and his Ladies, you must speake
possitable, if you can carry-her your desires towards
her.

Shal.
That you must: Will you, (vpon good dowry)
marry her?

Slen.
I will doe a greater thing then that, vpon your
request (Cosen) in any reason.

Shal.
Nay conceiue me, conceiue mee, (sweet Coz):
what I doe is to pleasure you (Coz:) can you loue the maid?

Slen.
I will marry her (Sir) at your request; but if
there bee no great loue in the beginning, yet Heauen may
decrease it vpon better acquaintance, when wee are
married, and haue more occasion to know one another:
I hope vpon familiarity will grow more content: but if
you say mary-her, I will mary-her, that I am freely
dissolued, and dissolutely.

Eu.
It is a fery discetion-answere; saue the fall is in the
'ord, dissolutely: the ort is (according to our meaning)
resolutely: his meaning is good.

Sh.
I: I thinke my Cosen meant well.

Sl.
I, or else I would I might be hang'd (la.)

Sh.
Here comes faire Mistris Anne; would I
were yong for your sake, Mistris Anne.

An.
The dinner is on the Table, my Father desires your
worships company.

Sh.
I will wait on him, (faire Mistris Anne.)

Eu.
Od's plessed-wil: I wil not be absẽce at the
grace.

An.
Wil't please your worship to come in, Sir?

Sl.
No, I thank you forsooth, hartely; I am very
well.

An.
The dinner attends you, Sir.

Sl.
I am not a-hungry, I thanke you, forsooth:
goe, Sirha, for all you are my man, goe wait
vpon my Cosen Shallow:
a Iustice of peace sometime may be beholding to his
friend, for a Man; I keepe but three Men, and a Boy yet,
till my Mother be dead: but what though, yet I liue
like a poore Gentleman borne.

An.
I may not goe in without your worship: they will
not sit till you come.

Sl.
I'faith, ile eate nothing: I thanke you as much as
though I did.

An.
I pray you Sir walke in.

Sl.
I had rather walke here (I thanke you) I bruiz'd my
shin th'other day, with playing at Sword and Dagger with
a Master of Fence (three veneys for a dish of stew'd
Prunes) and by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of
hot meate since. Why doe your dogs barke so? be there
Beares ith' Towne?

An.
I thinke there are, Sir, I heard them talk'd of.

Sl.
I loue the sport well, but I shall as soone quarrell
at it, as any man in England: you are afraid if you see the
Beare loose, are you not?

An.
I indeede Sir.

Sl.
That's meate and drinke to me now: I haue seene
Sackerson loose, twenty times, and haue taken him by
the Chaine: but (I warrant you) the women haue so cride
and shrekt at it, that it past: But women indeede,
cannot abide 'em, they are very ill-fauour'd rough
things.


Ma. Pa.
Come, gentle M. Slender, come; we stay for
you.

Sl.
Ile eate nothing, I thanke you Sir.

Ma. Pa.
By cocke and pie, you shall not choose, Sir: come,
come.

Sl.
Nay, pray you lead the way.

Ma. Pa.
Come on, Sir.

Sl.
Mistris Anne: your selfe shall goe first.

An.
Not I Sir, pray you keepe on.

Sl.
Truely I will not goe first: truely-la: I will not doe
you that wrong.

An.
I pray you Sir.

Sl.
Ile rather be vnmannerly, then troublesome:
you doe your selfe wrong indeede-la.
Exeunt.
Original text
Act I, Scene II
Enter Euans, and Simple.

Eu.
Go your waies, and aske of Doctor Caius house,
which is the way; and there dwels one Mistris Quickly;
which is in the manner of his Nurse; or his dry-Nurse;
or his Cooke; or his Laundry; his Washer, and his Ringer.

Si.
Well Sir.

Eu.
Nay, it is petter yet: giue her this letter; for it is a
'oman that altogeathers acquaintãce with Mistris Anne
Page; and the Letter is to desire, and require her to
solicite your Masters desires, to Mistris Anne Page:
I pray you be gon: I will make an end of my dinner;
ther's Pippins and Cheese to come.
Exeunt.
Original text
Act I, Scene III
Enter Falstaffe, Host, Bardolfe, Nym, Pistoll,
Page.

Fal.
Mine Host of the Garter?

Ho.
What saies my Bully Rooke? speake schollerly, and
wisely.

Fal.
Truely mine Host; I must turne away some of
my followers.

Ho.
Discard, (bully Hercules) casheere; let them wag;
trot, trot.

Fal.
I sit at ten pounds a weeke.

Ho.
Thou'rt an Emperor (Cesar, Keiser and Pheazar)
I will entertaine Bardolfe: he shall draw; he shall tap;
said I well (bully Hector?)

Fa.
Doe so (good mine Host.

Ho.
I haue spoke; let him follow; let me
see thee froth, and liue: I am at a word: follow.

Fal.
Bardolfe, follow him: a Tapster is a good trade:
an old Cloake, makes a new Ierkin: a wither'd Seruingman,
a fresh Tapster: goe, adew.

Ba.
It is a life that I haue desir'd: I will thriue.

Pist.
O base hungarian wight: wilt yu the spigot wield.

Ni.
He was gotten in drink: is not the humor
cõceited?

Fal.
I am glad I am so acquit of this Tinderbox: his
Thefts were too open: his filching was like an
vnskilfull Singer, he kept not time.

Ni.
The good humor is to steale at a minutes rest.

Pist.
Conuay: the wise it call: Steale? foh:
a fico for the phrase.

Fal.
Well sirs, I am almost out at heeles.

Pist.
Why then let Kibes ensue.

Fal.
There is no remedy: I must conicatch, I must
shift.

Pist.
Yong Rauens must haue foode.

Fal.
Which of you know Ford of this Towne?

Pist.
I ken the wight: he is of substance good.

Fal.
My honest Lads, I will tell you what I am about.

Pist.
Two yards, and more.

Fal.
No quips now Pistoll: (Indeede I am in the
waste two yards about: but I am now about no waste:
I am about thrift) briefely: I doe meane to make loue to
Fords wife: I spie entertainment in her: shee discourses:
shee carues: she giues the leere of inuitation: I can construe
the action of her familier stile, & the hardest voice
of her behauior (to be english'd rightly) is, I am
Sir Iohn Falstafs.

Pist.
He hath studied her will; and translated her will:
out of honesty, into English.

Ni.
The Anchor is deepe: will that humor passe?

Fal.
Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of
her husbands Purse: he hath a legend of Angels.

Pist.
As many diuels entertaine: and to her Boy say I.

Ni.
The humor rises: it is good: humor me the
angels.

Fal.
I haue writ me here a letter to her: & here
another to Pages wife, who euen now gaue mee good eyes
too; examind my parts with most iudicious illiads:
sometimes the beame of her view, guilded my foote:
sometimes my portly belly.

Pist.
Then did the Sun on dung-hill shine.

Ni.

I thanke thee for that humour.

Fal.
O she did so course o're my exteriors with
such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye, did
seeme to scorch me vp like a burning-glasse: here's
another letter to her: She beares the Purse too: She is a
Region in Guiana: all gold, and bountie: I will be Cheaters
to them both, and they shall be Exchequers to mee: they
shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to
them both: Goe, beare thou this Letter to
Mistris Page; and thou this to Mistris Ford:
we will thriue (Lads) we will thriue.

Pist.
Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,
And by my side weare Steele? then Lucifer take all.

Ni.
I will run no base humor: here take the humor-Letter;
I will keepe the hauior of reputation.

Fal.

Hold Sirha, beare you these Letters tightly,
Saile like my Pinnasse to these golden shores.
Rogues, hence, auaunt, vanish like haile-stones; goe,
Trudge; plod away ith' hoofe: seeke shelter, packe:
Falstaffe will learne the honor of the age,
French-thrift, you Rogues, my selfe, and skirted Page.

Pist.
Let Vultures gripe thy guts: for gourd, and Fullam holds:
& high and low beguiles the rich & poore,
Tester ile haue in pouch when thou shalt lacke,
Base Phrygian Turke.

Ni.
I haue opperations, / Which be humors of reuenge.

Pist.
Wilt thou reuenge?

Ni.
By Welkin, and her Star.

Pist.
With wit, or Steele?

Ni.
With both the humors, I:
I will discusse the humour of this Loue to Ford.

Pist.
And I to Page shall eke vnfold
How Falstaffe (varlet vile)
His Doue will proue; his gold will hold,
And his soft couch defile.

Ni.
My humour shall not coole: I will incense Ford to
deale with poyson: I will possesse him with yallownesse, for
the reuolt of mine is dangerous: that is my true humour.

Pist.
Thou art the Mars of Malecontents: I second thee: troope on.
Exeunt.
Original text
Act I, Scene IV
Enter Mistris Quickly, Simple, Iohn Rugby, Doctor, Caius, Fenton.

Qu.
What, Iohn Rugby,

I pray thee goe to the Casement, and see if you can see
my Master, Master Docter Caius comming: if he doe
(I' faith) and finde any body in the house; here will be an
old abusing of Gods patience, and the Kings English.

Ru.
Ile goe watch.

Qu.
Goe, and we'll haue a posset for't
soone at night, (in faith) at the latter end of a Sea-cole-
fire:
An honest, willing, kinde fellow, as euer seruant shall
come in house withall: and I warrant you, no tel-tale,
nor no breede-bate: his worst fault is, that he is giuen to
prayer; hee is something peeuish that way: but no body
but has his fault: but let that passe. Peter Simple, you
say your name is?

Si.
I: for fault of a better.

Qu.
And Master Slender's your Master?

Si.
I forsooth.

Qu.
Do's he not weare a great round
Beard, like a Glouers pairing-knife?

Si.
No forsooth: he hath but a little wee-face; with a
little yellow Beard: a Caine colourd Beard.

Qu.
A softly-sprighted man, is he not?

Si.
I forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands,
as any is betweene this and his head: he hath fought with
a Warrener.

Qu.
How say you: oh, I should remember
him: do's he not hold vp his head (as it were?)
and strut in his gate?

Si.
Yes indeede do's he.

Qu.
Well, heauen send Anne Page, no
worse fortune: Tell Master Parson Euans, I will doe
what I can for your Master: Anne is a good girle, and I
wish ---

Ru.
Out alas: here comes my Master.

Qu.
We shall all be shent: Run in here,
good young man: goe into this Closset: he will not stay
long:
what Iohn Rugby? Iohn: what Iohn I say? goe Iohn,
goe enquire for my Master, I doubt he be not well, that
hee comes not home:
(and downe, downe, adowne'a. &c.


Ca.
Vat is you sing? I doe not like des-toyes: pray you goe
and vetch me in my Closset, vnboyteene verd; a Box, a
greene-a-Box: do intend vat I speake? a greene-a-Box.

Qu.
I forsooth ile fetch it you:
I am glad hee went not in himselfe: if he had
found the yong man he would haue bin horne-mad.

Ca.
Fe, fe, fe, fe,
Court la grand affaires.

Qu.
Is it this Sir?

Ca.
Ouy mette le au mon pocket, de-peech quickly: quickly: Vere
is dat knaue Rugby?

Qu.
What Iohn Rugby, Iohn?

Ru.
Here Sir.

Ca.
You are Iohn Rugby, aad you are Iacke Rugby:
Come, take-a-your Rapier, and come after my heele to the
Court.

Ru.
'Tis ready Sir, here in the Porch.

Ca.
By my trot: I tarry too long: od's-me: que ay ie
oublie: dere is some Simples in my Closset, dat I vill not
for the varld I shall leaue behinde.

Qu.
Ay-me, he'll finde the yong man
there, & be mad.

Ca.

O Diable, Diable: vat is in my Closset?
Villanie, La-roone :
Rugby, my Rapier.

Qu.
Good Master be content.

Ca.
Wherefore shall I be content-a?

Qu.
The yong man is an honest man.

Ca.
What shall de honest man do in my Closset: dere is
no honest man dat shall come in my Closset.

Qu.
I beseech you be not so flegmaticke:
heare the truth of it. He came of an errand to mee, from
Parson Hugh.

Ca.
Vell.

Si.
I forsooth: to desire her to ---

Qu.
Peace, I pray you.

Ca.
Peace-a-your tongue: speake-a-your
Tale.

Si.
To desire this honest Gentlewoman (your Maid)
to speake a good word to Mistris Anne Page, for my
Master in the way of Marriage.

Qu.
This is all indeede-la: but ile
nere put my finger in the fire, and neede not.

Ca.
Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, ballow mee some
paper: tarry you a littell-a-while.

Qui.
I am glad he is so
quiet: if he had bin throughly moued, you should haue
heard him so loud, and so melancholly: but notwithstanding
man, Ile doe yoe your Master what good I can:
and the very yea, & the no is, ye French Doctor my
Master, (I may call him my Master, looke you, for I keepe
his house; and I wash, ring, brew, bake, scowre, dresse
meat and drinke, make the beds, and doe all my selfe.)

Simp.

'Tis a great charge to
come vnder one bodies hand.

Qui.

Are you a-uis'd
o'that? you shall finde it a great charge: and to be vp
early, and down late: but notwithstanding, (to tell you
in your eare, I wold haue no words of it) my Master
himselfe is in loue with Mistris Anne Page: but notwithstanding
that I know Ans mind, that's neither
heere nor there.

Caius.
You, Iack'Nape: giue-'a this Letter to Sir Hugh, by
gar it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in de Parke, and I will
teach a scuruy Iack-a-nape Priest to meddle, or make:--- you
may be gon: it is not good you tarry here:
by gar I will cut all his two stones: by gar, he shall not
haue a stone to throw at his dogge.

Qui.
Alas: he speakes but for his friend.

Caius.
It is no matter 'a ver dat: do not you tell-a-me dat
I shall haue Anne Page for my selfe? by gar, I vill kill de
Iack-Priest: and I haue appointed mine Host of de
Iarteer to measure our weapon: by gar, I wil my selfe
haue Anne Page.

Qui.
Sir, the maid loues you, and all shall
bee well: We must giue folkes leaue to prate: what the
good-ier.

Caius.
Rugby, come to the Court with me:
by gar, if I haue not Anne Page, I shall turne
your head out of my dore: follow my heeles, Rugby.


Qui.
You shall haue An-fooles head of your owne:
No, I know Ans mind for that: neuer a
woman in Windsor knowes more of Ans minde then
I doe, nor can doe more then I doe with her, I thanke heauen.

Fenton.
Who's with in there, hoa?

Qui.
Who's there, I troa? Come neere
the house I pray you.

Fen.
How now (good woman) how dost thou?

Qui.
The better that it pleases your good
Worship to aske?

Fen.
What newes? how do's pretty Mistris Anne?

Qui.
In truth Sir, and shee is pretty, and
honest, and gentle, and one that is your friend, I can
tell you that by the way, I praise heauen for it.

Fen.
Shall I doe any good thinkst thou? shall I not
loose my suit?

Qui.
Troth Sir, all is in his hands aboue:
but notwithstanding (Master Fenton) Ile be sworne on a
booke shee loues you: haue not your Worship a wart
aboue your eye?

Fen.
Yes marry haue I, what of that?

Qui.
Wel, thereby hangs a tale: good
faith, it is such another Nan; (but (I detest) an honest
maid as euer broke bread: wee had an howres talke of that
wart; I shall neuer laugh but in that maids company:
but (indeed) shee is giuen too much to Allicholy and
musing: but for you --- well --- goe too ---

Fen.
Well: I shall see her to day: hold, there's money
for thee: Let mee haue thy voice in my behalfe: if thou
seest her before me, commend me. ---

Qui.
Will I? I faith that wee will: And I
will tell your Worship more of the Wart, the next time
we haue confidence, and of other wooers.

Fen.
Well, fare-well, I am in great haste now.

Qui.
Fare-well to your Worship:
truely an honest Gentleman: but Anne loues hiim not:
for I know Ans minde as well as another do's: out
vpon't: what haue I forgot.
Exit.
Modern text
Act I, Scene I
Enter Justice Shallow, Slender, and Sir Hugh Evans

SHALLOW
Sir Hugh, persuade me not. I will make
a Star-Chamber matter of it. If he were twenty Sir
John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow,
Esquire.

SLENDER
In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and
Coram.

SHALLOW
Ay, cousin Slender, and Custalorum.

SLENDER
Ay, and Ratolorum too. And a gentleman born,
master parson, who writes himself Armigero – in any
bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, Armigero.

SHALLOW
Ay, that I do, and have done any time these
three hundred years.

SLENDER
All his successors gone before him hath done't;
and all his ancestors that come after him may. They may
give the dozen white luces in their coat.

SHALLOW
It is an old coat.

EVANS
The dozen white louses do become an old coat well.
It agrees well, passant. It is a familiar beast to man, and
signifies love.

SHALLOW
The luce is the fresh fish. The salt fish is an
old coat.

SLENDER
I may quarter, coz?

SHALLOW
You may, by marrying.

EVANS
It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.

SHALLOW
Not a whit.

EVANS
Yes, py'r lady. If he has a quarter of your coat,
there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple
conjectures. But that is all one. If Sir John Falstaff
have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the
Church, and will be glad to do my benevolence, to make
atonements and compromises between you.

SHALLOW
The Council shall hear it. It is a riot.

EVANS
It is not meet the Council hear a riot. There is no
fear of Got in a riot. The Council, look you, shall desire
to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot. Take your
vizaments in that.

SHALLOW
Ha! O'my life, if I were young again, the
sword should end it.

EVANS
It is petter that friends is the swort, and end it.
And there is also another device in my prain, which
peradventure prings goot discretions with it. There is
Anne Page, which is daughter to Master George Page,
which is pretty virginity.

SLENDER
Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and
speaks small like a woman?

EVANS
It is that fery person for all the 'orld, as just as you
will desire. And seven hundred pounds of moneys, and
gold, and silver, is her grandsire upon his death's-bed –
Got deliver to a joyful resurrections! – give, when she is
able to overtake seventeen years old. It were a goot
motion if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire
a marriage between Master Abraham and Mistress Anne
Page.

SHALLOW
Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred
pound?

EVANS
Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.

SHALLOW
I know the young gentlewoman. She has good
gifts.

EVANS
Seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is goot
gifts.

SHALLOW
Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is
Falstaff there?

EVANS
Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do
despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not
true. The knight Sir John is there. And I beseech you be
ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door for
Master Page. (He knocks) What, ho! Got pless your
house here!

PAGE
(within)
Who's there?

EVANS
Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and
Justice Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that
peradventures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow
to your likings.
Enter Page

PAGE
I am glad to see your worships well. I thank you
for my venison, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW
Master Page, I am glad to see you. Much good
do it your good heart! I wished your venison better – it
was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page? – And I
thank you always with my heart, la! With my heart.

PAGE
Sir, I thank you.

SHALLOW
Sir, I thank you. By yea and no, I do.

PAGE
I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.

SLENDER
How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard
say he was outrun on Cotsall.

PAGE
It could not be judged, sir.

SLENDER
You'll not confess. You'll not confess.

SHALLOW
That he will not. 'Tis your fault, 'tis your
fault. 'Tis a good dog.

PAGE
A cur, sir.

SHALLOW
Sir, he's a good dog and a fair dog. Can there
be more said? He is good and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff
here?

PAGE
Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good
office between you.

EVANS
It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.

SHALLOW
He hath wronged me, Master Page.

PAGE
Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.

SHALLOW
If it be confessed, it is not redressed. Is not that
so, Master Page? He hath wronged me, indeed he hath,
at a word, he hath. Believe me – Robert Shallow,
Esquire, saith he is wronged.

PAGE
Here comes Sir John.
Enter Sir John Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol

FALSTAFF
Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me
to the King?

SHALLOW
Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my
deer, and broke open my lodge.

FALSTAFF
But not kissed your keeper's daughter?

SHALLOW
Tut, a pin! This shall be answered.

FALSTAFF
I will answer it straight. I have done all this.
That is now answered.

SHALLOW
The Council shall know this.

FALSTAFF
'Twere better for you if it were known in
counsel. You'll be laughed at.

EVANS
Pauca verba, Sir John, goot worts.

FALSTAFF
Good worts? Good cabbage! – Slender, I
broke your head. What matter have you against me?

SLENDER
Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against
you, and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph,
Nym, and Pistol. They carried me to the tavern, and
made me drunk, and afterward picked my pocket.

BARDOLPH
You Banbury cheese!

SLENDER
Ay, it is no matter.

PISTOL
How now, Mephostophilus?

SLENDER
Ay, it is no matter.

NYM
Slice, I say. Pauca, pauca. Slice! That's my humour.

SLENDER
Where's Simple, my man? Can you tell,
cousin?

EVANS
Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is
three umpires in this matter, as I understand – that is,
Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is myself,
fidelicet myself; and the three party is, lastly and finally,
mine host of the Garter.

PAGE
We three to hear it, and end it between them.

EVANS
Fery goot. I will make a prief of it in my notebook,
and we will afterwards 'ork upon the cause with as great
discreetly as we can.

FALSTAFF
Pistol!

PISTOL
He hears with ears.

EVANS
The tevil and his tam! What phrase is this, ‘He
hears with ear'? Why, it is affectations.

FALSTAFF
Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse?

SLENDER
Ay, by these gloves, did he – or I would I
might never come in mine own great chamber again
else – of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward
shovel-boards, that cost me two shillings and twopence
apiece of Yed Miller, by these gloves.

FALSTAFF
Is this true, Pistol?

EVANS
No, it is false, if it is a pickpurse.

PISTOL
Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! – Sir John and master mine,
I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.
Word of denial in thy labras here!
Word of denial! Froth and scum, thou liest!

SLENDER
(pointing to Nym)
By these gloves, then 'twas he.

NYM
Be advised, sir, and pass good humours. I will say
‘ Marry trap with you,’ if you run the nuthook's humour
on me. That is the very note of it.

SLENDER
By this hat, then he in the red face had it. For
though I cannot remember what I did when you made
me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.

FALSTAFF
What say you, Scarlet and John?

BARDOLPH
Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman
had drunk himself out of his five sentences.

EVANS
It is his ‘ five senses.’ Fie, what the ignorance is!

BARDOLPH
And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered.
And so conclusions passed the careers.

SLENDER
Ay, you spake in Latin then too. But 'tis no
matter. I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, but in
honest, civil, godly company, for this trick. If I be
drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of
God, and not with drunken knaves.

EVANS
So Got 'udge me, that is a virtuous mind.

FALSTAFF
You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen.
You hear it.
Enter Anne Page, with wine, Mistress Ford, and
Mistress Page

PAGE
Nay, daughter, carry the wine in – we'll drink
within.
Exit Anne Page

SLENDER
O heaven! This is Mistress Anne Page.

PAGE
How now, Mistress Ford?

FALSTAFF
Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well
met. By your leave, good mistress.
He kisses her

PAGE
Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we
have a hot venison pasty to dinner. Come, gentlemen, I
hope we shall drink down all unkindness.
Exeunt all except Slender

SLENDER
I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book
of Songs and Sonnets here.
Enter Simple
How now, Simple, where have you been? I must wait
on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles
about you, have you?

SIMPLE
Book of Riddles? Why, did you not lend it to
Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight
afore Michaelmas?
Enter Shallow and Evans

SHALLOW
Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word
with you, coz. Marry, this, coz – there is as 'twere a
tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh
here. Do you understand me?

SLENDER
Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable. If it be
so, I shall do that that is reason.

SHALLOW
Nay, but understand me.

SLENDER
So I do, sir.

EVANS
Give ear to his motions. Master Slender, I will
description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.

SLENDER
Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says. I
pray you pardon me. He's a justice of peace in his
country, simple though I stand here.

EVANS
But that is not the question. The question is
concerning your marriage.

SHALLOW
Ay, there's the point, sir.

EVANS
Marry, is it, the very point of it – to Mistress Anne
Page.

SLENDER
Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any
reasonable demands.

EVANS
But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command
to know that of your mouth, or of your lips – for divers
philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the mouth.
Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to
the maid?

SHALLOW
Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?

SLENDER
I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that
would do reason.

EVANS
Nay, Got's lords and his ladies! You must speak
possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards
her.

SHALLOW
That you must. Will you, upon good dowry,
marry her?

SLENDER
I will do a greater thing than that, upon your
request, cousin, in any reason.

SHALLOW
Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz –
what I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?

SLENDER
I will marry her, sir, at your request. But if
there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may
decrease it upon better acquaintance when we are
married and have more occasion to know one another.
I hope upon familiarity will grow more content. But if
you say ‘ Marry her,’ I will marry her – that I am freely
dissolved, and dissolutely.

EVANS
It is a fery discretion answer, save the fall is in the
'ord ‘ dissolutely.’ The 'ort is, according to our meaning,
‘ resolutely.’ His meaning is good.

SHALLOW
Ay, I think my cousin meant well.

SLENDER
Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!
Enter Anne Page

SHALLOW
Here comes fair Mistress Anne. Would I
were young for your sake, Mistress Anne!

ANNE
The dinner is on the table. My father desires your
worships' company.

SHALLOW
I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.

EVANS
'Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the
grace.
Exeunt Shallow and Evans

ANNE
Will't please your worship to come in, sir?

SLENDER
No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily. I am very
well.

ANNE
The dinner attends you, sir.

SLENDER
I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth.
(To Simple) Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait
upon my cousin Shallow.
Exit Simple
A justice of peace sometime may be beholding to his
friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy yet,
till my mother be dead. But what though? Yet I live
like a poor gentleman born.

ANNE
I may not go in without your worship – they will
not sit till you come.

SLENDER
I'faith, I'll eat nothing. I thank you as much as
though I did.

ANNE
I pray you, sir, walk in.

SLENDER
I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised my
shin th'other day with playing at sword and dagger with
a master of fence – three veneys for a dish of stewed
prunes – and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of
hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? Be there
bears i'th'town?

ANNE
I think there are, sir. I heard them talked of.

SLENDER
I love the sport well, but I shall as soon quarrel
at it as any man in England. You are afraid if you see the
bear loose, are you not?

ANNE
Ay, indeed, sir.

SLENDER
That's meat and drink to me, now. I have seen
Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by
the chain. But, I warrant you, the women have so cried
and shrieked at it, that it passed. But women, indeed,
cannot abide 'em – they are very ill-favoured rough
things.
Enter Page

PAGE
Come, gentle Master Slender, come. We stay for
you.

SLENDER
I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.

PAGE
By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! Come,
come.

SLENDER
Nay, pray you lead the way.

PAGE
Come on, sir.

SLENDER
Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.

ANNE
Not I, sir. Pray you, keep on.

SLENDER
Truly, I will not go first, truly, la! I will not do
you that wrong.

ANNE
I pray you, sir.

SLENDER
I'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome.
You do yourself wrong, indeed, la!
Exeunt
Modern text
Act I, Scene II
Enter Evans and Simple

EVANS
Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius's house
which is the way. And there dwells one Mistress Quickly,
which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry nurse,
or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and his wringer.

SIMPLE
Well, sir.

EVANS
Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter, for it is a
'oman that altogether's acquaintance with Mistress Anne
Page. And the letter is to desire and require her to
solicit your master's desires to Mistress Anne Page.
I pray you be gone. I will make an end of my dinner –
there's pippins and cheese to come.
Exeunt
Modern text
Act I, Scene III
Enter Falstaff, Host, Bardolph, Nym, Pistol, and
Robin

FALSTAFF
Mine host of the Garter –

HOST
What says my bully rook? Speak scholarly and
wisely.

FALSTAFF
Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of
my followers.

HOST
Discard, bully Hercules, cashier. Let them wag;
trot, trot.

FALSTAFF
I sit at ten pounds a week.

HOST
Thou'rt an emperor – Caesar, Keisar, and Pheazar.
I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap.
Said I well, bully Hector?

FALSTAFF
Do so, good mine host.

HOST
I have spoke. Let him follow. (To Bardolph) Let me
see thee froth and lime. I am at a word. Follow.
Exit

FALSTAFF
Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade.
An old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered servingman
a fresh tapster. Go, adieu.

BARDOLPH
It is a life that I have desired. I will thrive.

PISTOL
O base Hungarian wight! Wilt thou the spigot wield?
Exit Bardolph

NYM
He was gotten in drink. Is not the humour
conceited?

FALSTAFF
I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox.
His thefts were too open. His filching was like an
unskilful singer – he kept not time.

NYM
The good humour is to steal at a minute's rest.

PISTOL
‘ Convey ’, the wise it call. ‘ Steal!’ Foh,
A fico for the phrase!

FALSTAFF
Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.

PISTOL
Why then, let kibes ensue.

FALSTAFF
There is no remedy – I must cony-catch, I must
shift.

PISTOL
Young ravens must have food.

FALSTAFF
Which of you know Ford of this town?

PISTOL
I ken the wight. He is of substance good.

FALSTAFF
My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.

PISTOL
Two yards, and more.

FALSTAFF
No quips now, Pistol. Indeed, I am in the
waist two yards about. But I am now about no waste –
I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to
Ford's wife. I spy entertainment in her. She discourses,
she carves, she gives the leer of invitation. I can construe
the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice
of her behaviour – to be Englished rightly – is ‘ I am
Sir John Falstaff's.’

PISTOL
He hath studied her will, and translated her will –
out of honesty into English.

NYM
The anchor is deep. Will that humour pass?

FALSTAFF
Now, the report goes she has all the rule of
her husband's purse. He hath a legion of angels.

PISTOL
As many devils entertain! And ‘ To her, boy,’ say I.

NYM
The humour rises – it is good. Humour me the
angels.

FALSTAFF
I have writ me here a letter to her; and here
another to Page's wife, who even now gave me good eyes
too, examined my parts with most judicious œillades.
Sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot,
sometimes my portly belly.

PISTOL
(aside)
Then did the sun on dunghill shine.

NYM
(aside)
I thank thee for that humour.

FALSTAFF
O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with
such a greedy intention that the appetite of her eye did
seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass. Here's
another letter to her. She bears the purse too. She is a
region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheaters
to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me. They
shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to
them both. (To Pistol) Go, bear thou this letter to
Mistress Page; (to Nym) and thou this to Mistress Ford.
We will thrive, lads, we will thrive.

PISTOL
Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become –
And by my side wear steel? Then Lucifer take all!

NYM
I will run no base humour. Here, take the humour-letter.
I will keep the haviour of reputation.

FALSTAFF
(to Robin)
Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly;
Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.
Rogues, hence, avaunt! Vanish like hailstones, go!
Trudge, plod away o'th'hoof, seek shelter, pack!
Falstaff will learn the humour of the age,
French thrift, you rogues – myself and skirted page.
Exeunt Falstaff and Robin

PISTOL
Let vultures gripe thy guts! For gourd and fullam holds,
And high and low beguiles the rich and poor.
Tester I'll have in pouch when thou shalt lack,
Base Phrygian Turk!

NYM
I have operations which be humours of revenge.

PISTOL
Wilt thou revenge?

NYM
By welkin and her star!

PISTOL
With wit or steel?

NYM
With both the humours, I.
I will discuss the humour of this love to Page.

PISTOL
And I to Ford shall eke unfold
How Falstaff, varlet vile,
His dove will prove, his gold will hold,
And his soft couch defile.

NYM
My humour shall not cool. I will incense Page to
deal with poison. I will possess him with yellowness, for
the revolt of mine is dangerous. That is my true humour.

PISTOL
Thou art the Mars of malcontents. I second thee. Troop on.
Exeunt
Modern text
Act I, Scene IV
Enter Mistress Quickly and Simple

MISTRESS QUICKLY
(calling)
What, John Rugby!
Enter Rugby
I pray thee, go to the casement and see if you can see
my master, Master Doctor Caius, coming. If he do,
i'faith, and find anybody in the house, here will be an
old abusing of God's patience and the King's English.

RUGBY
I'll go watch.

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Go; and we'll have a posset for't
soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal
fire.
Exit Rugby
An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall
come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale,
nor no breed-bate. His worst fault is that he is given to
prayer. He is something peevish that way, but nobody
but has his fault. But let that pass. – Peter Simple you
say your name is?

SIMPLE
Ay, for fault of a better.

MISTRESS QUICKLY
And Master Slender's your master?

SIMPLE
Ay, forsooth.

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Does he not wear a great round
beard like a glover's paring-knife?

SIMPLE
No, forsooth. He hath but a little wee face, with a
little yellow beard – a Cain-coloured beard.

MISTRESS QUICKLY
A softly-sprighted man, is he not?

SIMPLE
Ay, forsooth. But he is as tall a man of his hands
as any is between this and his head. He hath fought with
a warrener.

MISTRESS QUICKLY
How say you? – O, I should remember
him. Does he not hold up his head, as it were,
and strut in his gait?

SIMPLE
Yes, indeed, does he.

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Well, heaven send Anne Page no
worse fortune. Tell Master Parson Evans I will do
what I can for your master. Anne is a good girl, and I
wish –
Enter Rugby

RUGBY
Out, alas! Here comes my master.

MISTRESS QUICKLY
We shall all be shent. Run in here,
good young man; go into this closet. He will not stay
long.
She shuts Simple in the closet
What, John Rugby! John, what, John, I say! Go, John,
go inquire for my master. I doubt he be not well, that
he comes not home.
Exit Rugby
She sings
And down, down, adown-a, etc.
Enter Doctor Caius

CAIUS
Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys. Pray you go
and vetch me in my closet un boîtier vert – a box, a
green-a box. Do intend vat I speak? A green-a box.

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Ay, forsooth, I'll fetch it you.
(Aside) I am glad he went not in himself. If he had
found the young man, he would have been horn-mad.
Exit to the closet

CAIUS
Fe, fe, fe, fe! Ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m'en
vais à la cour – la grande affaire.
Enter Mistress Quickly with the box

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Is it this, sir?

CAIUS
Oui, mette-le au mon pocket. Dépêche, quickly. Vere
is dat knave Rugby?

MISTRESS QUICKLY
What, John Rugby! John!
Enter Rugby

RUGBY
Here, sir.

CAIUS
You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby.
Come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the
court.

RUGBY
'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.

CAIUS
By my trot, I tarry too long. 'Od's me! Qu'ai-je
oublié? Dere is some simples in my closet, dat I vill not
for the varld I shall leave behind.
Exit to the closet

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Ay me, he'll find the young man
there, and be mad.

CAIUS
(within)
O, diable, diable! Vat is in my closet?
Villainy! Larron!
Enter Caius, pulling Simple out of the closet
Rugby, my rapier!

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Good master, be content.

CAIUS
Wherefore shall I be content-a?

MISTRESS QUICKLY
The young man is an honest man.

CAIUS
What shall de honest man do in my closet? Dere is
no honest man dat shall come in my closet.

MISTRESS QUICKLY
I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic.
Hear the truth of it. He came of an errand to me from
Parson Hugh.

CAIUS
Vell?

SIMPLE
Ay, forsooth, to desire her to –

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Peace, I pray you.

CAIUS
Peace-a your tongue. (To Simple) Speak-a your
tale.

SIMPLE
To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid,
to speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my
master in the way of marriage.

MISTRESS QUICKLY
This is all, indeed, la! But I'll
ne'er put my finger in the fire, and need not.

CAIUS
Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baille me some
paper. (To Simple) Tarry you a little-a while.
He writes

MISTRESS QUICKLY
(aside to Simple)
I am glad he is so
quiet. If he had been throughly moved, you should have
heard him so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding,
man, I'll do you your master what good I can.
And the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my
master – I may call him my master, look you, for I keep
his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress
meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself –

SIMPLE
(aside to Mistress Quickly)
'Tis a great charge to
come under one body's hand.

MISTRESS QUICKLY
(aside to Simple)
Are you avised
o' that? You shall find it a great charge – and to be up
early and down late. But notwithstanding – to tell you
in your ear, I would have no words of it – my master
himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page. But notwithstanding
that, I know Anne's mind. That's neither
here nor there.

CAIUS
You, jack'nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh. By
gar, it is a shallenge. I will cut his troat in de park, and I will
teach a scurvy jackanape priest to meddle or make. You
Exit Simple
may be gone. It is not good you tarry here. Exit Simple
By gar, I will cut all his two stones. By gar, he shall not
have a stone to throw at his dog.

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Alas, he speaks but for his friend.

CAIUS
It is no matter-a ver dat. Do not you tell-a me dat
I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I vill kill de
Jack priest. And I have appointed mine host of de
Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I will myself
have Anne Page.

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall
be well. We must give folks leave to prate. What the
good-year!

CAIUS
Rugby, come to the court with me. (To Mistress
Quickly) By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn
your head out of my door. Follow my heels, Rugby.
Exeunt Caius and Rugby

MISTRESS QUICKLY
You shall have An – fool's-head of
your own. No, I know Anne's mind for that. Never a
woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's mind than
I do, nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven.

FENTON
(off stage)
Who's within there, ho?

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Who's there, I trow? Come near
the house, I pray you.
Enter Fenton

FENTON
How now, good woman, how dost thou?

MISTRESS QUICKLY
The better that it pleases your good
worship to ask.

FENTON
What news? How does pretty Mistress Anne?

MISTRESS QUICKLY
In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and
honest, and gentle – and one that is your friend. I can
tell you that by the way, I praise heaven for it.

FENTON
Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? Shall I not
lose my suit?

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Troth, sir, all is in His hands above.
But notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a
book she loves you. Have not your worship a wart
above your eye?

FENTON
Yes, marry, have I. What of that?

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Well, thereby hangs a tale. Good
faith, it is such another Nan – but, I detest, an honest
maid as ever broke bread. We had an hour's talk of that
wart. I shall never laugh but in that maid's company.
But, indeed, she is given too much to allicholy and
musing. But for you – well – go to –

FENTON
Well, I shall see her today. Hold, there's money
for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf. If thou
seest her before me, commend me –

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Will I? I'faith, that we will. And I
will tell your worship more of the wart the next time
we have confidence, and of other wooers.

FENTON
Well, farewell. I am in great haste now.

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Farewell to your worship.
Exit Fenton
Truly, an honest gentleman. But Anne loves him not,
for I know Anne's mind as well as another does. Out
upon't! What have I forgot?
Exit
SHAKESPEARE'S WORDS © 2018 DAVID CRYSTAL & BEN CRYSTAL