The Taming of the Shrew

Select or Print the text

Original text
Act III, Scene I
Enter Lucentio, Hortentio,
and Bianca.

Luc.
Fidler forbeare, you grow too forward Sir,
Haue you so soone forgot the entertainment
Her sister Katherine welcom'd you withall.

Hort.
But wrangling pedant, this is
The patronesse of heauenly harmony:
Then giue me leaue to haue prerogatiue,
And when in Musicke we haue spent an houre,
Your Lecture shall haue leisure for as much.

Luc.
Preposterous Asse that neuer read so farre,
To know the cause why musicke was ordain'd:
Was it not to refresh the minde of man
After his studies, or his vsuall paine?
Then giue me leaue to read Philosophy,
And while I pause, serue in your harmony.

Hort.
Sirra, I will not beare these braues of thine.

Bianc.
Why gentlemen, you doe me double wrong,
To striue for that which resteth in my choice:
Iam no breeching scholler in the schooles,
Ile not be tied to howres, nor pointed times,
But learne my Lessons as I please my selfe,
And to cut off all strife: heere sit we downe,
Take you your instrument, play you the whiles,
His Lecture will be done ere you haue tun'd.

Hort.
You'll leaue his Lecture when I am in tune?

Luc.
That will be neuer, tune your instrument.

Bian.
Where left we last?

Luc.
Heere Madam:

Hic Ibat Simois, hic est sigeria tellus,
hic steterat Priami regia Celsa senis.

Bian.
Conster them.

Luc.
Hic Ibat, as I told you before, Simois, I am
Lucentio, hic est, sonne vnto Vincentio of Pisa, Sigeria
tellus, disguised thus to get your loue, hic steterat,
and that Lucentio that comes a wooing, priami, is my
man Tranio, regia, bearing my port, celsa senis
that we might beguile the old Pantalowne.

Hort.
Madam, my Instrument's in tune.

Bian.
Let's heare, oh fie, the treble iarres.

Luc.
Spit in the hole man, and tune againe.

Bian.
Now let mee see if I can conster it. Hic ibat
simois, I know you not, hic est sigeria tellus, I trust you
not, hic staterat priami, take heede he heare vs not,
regia presume not, Celsa senis, despaire not.

Hort.
Madam, tis now in tune.

Luc.
All but the base.

Hort.
The base is right, 'tis the base knaue that iars.
Luc. How fiery and forward our Pedant is,
Now for my life the knaue doth court my loue,
Pedascule, Ile watch you better yet:
In time I may beleeue, yet I mistrust.

Bian.
Mistrust it not, for sure Aacides
Was Aiax cald so from his grandfather.

Hort.
I must beleeue my master, else I promise you,
I should be arguing still vpon that doubt,
But let it rest, now Litio to you:
Good master take it not vnkindly pray
That I haue beene thus pleasant with you both.

Hort.
You may go walk, and giue me leaue a while,
My Lessons make no musicke in three parts.

Luc.
Are you so formall sir, well I must waite
And watch withall, for but I be deceiu'd,
Our fine Musitian groweth amorous.

Hor.
Madam, before you touch the instrument,
To learne the order of my fingering,
I must begin with rudiments of Art,
To teach you gamoth in a briefer sort,
More pleasant, pithy, and effectuall,
Then hath beene taught by any of my trade,
And there it is in writing fairely drawne.

Bian.
Why, I am past my gamouth long agoe.

Hor.
Yet read the gamouth of Hortentio.

Bian.

Gamouth I am, the ground of all accord:
Are, to plead Hortensio's passion:
Beeme, Bianca take him for thy Lord
Cfavt, that loues with all affection:
D solre, one Cliffe, two notes haue I,
Ela mi, show pitty or I die,
Call you this gamouth? tut I like it not,
Old fashions please me best, I am not so nice
To charge true rules for old inuentions.
Enter a Messenger.

Nicke.
Mistresse, your father prayes you leaue your books,
And helpe to dresse your sisters chamber vp,
You know to morrow is the wedding day.

Bian.
Farewell sweet masters both, I must be gone.



Luc.
Faith Mistresse then I haue no cause to stay.

Hor.
But I haue cause to pry into this pedant,
Methinkes he lookes as though he were in loue:
Yet if thy thoughts Bianca be so humble
To cast thy wandring eyes on euery stale:
Seize thee that List, if once I finde thee ranging,
Hortensio will be quit with thee by changing.
Exit.
Original text
Act III, Scene II
Enter Baptista, Gremio, Tranio, Katherine,
Bianca, and others, attendants.

Bap.
Signior Lucentio, this is the pointed day
That Katherine and Petruchio should be married,
And yet we heare not of our sonne in Law:
What will be said, what mockery will it be?
To want the Bride-groome when the Priest attends
To speake the ceremoniall rites of marriage?
What saies Lucentio to this shame of ours?

Kate.
No shame but mine, I must forsooth be forst
To giue my hand oppos'd against my heart
Vnto a mad-braine rudesby, full of spleene,
Who woo'd in haste, and meanes to wed at leysure:
I told you I, he was a franticke foole,
Hiding his bitter iests in blunt behauiour,
And to be noted for a merry man;
Hee'll wooe a thousand, point the day of marriage,
Make friends, inuite, and proclaime the banes,
Yet neuer meanes to wed where he hath woo'd:
Now must the world point at poore Katherine,
And say, loe, there is mad Petruchio's wife
If it would please him come and marry her.

Tra.
Patience good Katherine and Baptista too,
Vpon my life Petruchio meanes but well,
What euer fortune stayes him from his word,
Though he be blunt, I know him passing wise,
Though he be merry, yet withall he's honest.

Kate.
Would Katherine had neuer seen him though.
Exit weeping.

Bap.
Goe girle, I cannot blame thee now to weepe,
For such an iniurie would vexe a very saint,
Much more a shrew of impatient humour.
Enter Biondello.

Bion.
Master, master, newes, and such newes as
you neuer heard of,

Bap.
Is it new and olde too? how may that be?

Bion.
Why, is it not newes to heard of Petruchio's
comming?

Bap.
Is he come?

Bion.
Why no sir.

Bap.
What then?

Bion.
He is comming.

Bap.
When will he be heere?

Bion.
When he stands where I am, and sees you
there.

Tra.
But say, what to thine olde newes?

Bion.
Why Petruchio is comming, in a new hat and
an old ierkin, a paire of old breeches thrice turn'd; a
paire of bootes that haue beene candle-cases, one buckled,
another lac'd: an olde rusty sword tane out of the Towne
Armory, with a broken hilt, and chapelesse: with two
broken points: his horse hip'd with an olde mothy
saddle, and stirrops of no kindred: besides possest
with the glanders, and like to mose in the chine, troubled
with the Lampasse, infected with the fashions, full of
Windegalls, sped with Spauins, raied with the Yellowes,
past cure of the Fiues, starke spoyl'd with the Staggers,
begnawne with the Bots, Waid in the backe, and shoulder-shotten,
neere leg'd before, and with a halfe-chekt
Bitte, & a headstall of sheepes leather, which being
restrain'd to keepe him from stumbling, hath been often
burst, and now repaired with knots: one girth sixe times
peec'd, and a womans Crupper of velure, which hath
two letters for her name, fairely set down in studs, and
heere and there peec'd with packthred.

Bap.
Who comes with him?

Bion.
Oh sir, his Lackey, for all the world Caparison'd
like the horse: with a linnen stock on one leg, and a kersey
boot-hose on the other, gartred with a red and blew
list; an old hat, & the humor of forty fancies prickt
in't for a feather: a monster, a very monster in apparell,
& not like a Christian foot-boy, or a gentlemans Lacky.

Tra.
'Tis some od humor pricks him to this fashion,
Yet oftentimes he goes but meane apparel'd.

Bap.
I am glad he's come, howsoere he comes.

Bion.
Why sir, he comes not.

Bap.
Didst thou not say hee comes?

Bion.
Who, that Petruchio came?

Bap.
I, that Petruchio came.

Bion.
No sir, I say his horse comes with him on
his backe.

Bap.
Why that's all one.

Bion.
Nay by S.Iamy,
I hold you a penny,
a horse and a man
is more then one,
and yet not many.
Enter Petruchio and Grumio.

Pet.
Come, where be these gallants? who's at
home?

Bap.
You are welcome sir.

Petr.
And yet I come not well.

Bap.
And yet you halt not.

Tra.
Not so well apparell'd as I wish you were.

Petr.
Were it better I should rush in thus:
But where is Kate? where is my louely Bride?
How does my father? gentles methinkes you frowne,
And wherefore gaze this goodly company,
As if they saw some wondrous monument,
Some Commet, or vnusuall prodigie?

Bap.
Why sir, you know this is your wedding day:
First were we sad, fearing you would not come,
Now sadder that you come so vnprouided:
Fie, doff this habit, shame to your estate,
An eye-sore to our solemne festiuall.

Tra.
And tell vs what occasion of import
Hath all so long detain'd you from your wife,
And sent you hither so vnlike your selfe?

Petr.
Tedious it were to tell, and harsh to heare,
Sufficeth I am come to keepe my word,
Though in some part inforced to digresse,
Which at more leysure I will so excuse,
As you shall well be satisfied with all.
But where is Kate? I stay too long from her,
The morning weares, 'tis time we were at Church.

Tra.
See not your Bride in these vnreuerent robes,
Goe to my chamber, put on clothes of mine.

Pet.
Not I, beleeue me, thus Ile visit her.

Bap.
But thus I trust you will not marry her.

Pet.
Good sooth euen thus: therefore ha done with words,
To me she's married, not vnto my cloathes:
Could I repaire what she will weare in me,
As I can change these poore accoutrements,
'Twere well for Kate, and better for my selfe.
But what a foole am I to chat with you,
When I should bid good morrow to my Bride?
And seale the title with a louely kisse.
Exit.

Tra.
He hath some meaning in his mad attire,
We will perswade him be it possible,
To put on better ere he goe to Church.

Bap.
Ile after him, and see the euent of this.
Exit.

Tra.
But sir, Loue concerneth vs to adde
Her fathers liking, which to bring to passe
As before imparted to your worship,
I am to get a man what ere he be,
It skills not much, weele fit him to our turne,
And he shall be Vincentio of Pisa,
And make assurance heere in Padua
Of greater summes then I haue promised,
So shall you quietly enioy your hope,
And marry sweet Bianca with consent.

Luc.
Were it not that my fellow schoolemaster
Doth watch Bianca's steps so narrowly:
'Twere good me-thinkes to steale our marriage,
Which once perform'd, let all the world say no,
Ile keepe mine owne despite of all the world.

Tra.
That by degrees we meane to looke into,
And watch our vantage in this businesse,
Wee'll ouer-reach the grey-beard Gremio,
The narrow prying father Minola,
The quaint Musician, amorous Litio,
All for my Masters sake Lucentio.
Enter Gremio.
Signior Gremio, came you from the Church?

Gre.
As willingly as ere I came from schoole.

Tra.
And is the Bride & Bridegroom coming home?

Gre.
A bridegroome say you? 'tis a groome indeed,
A grumlling groome, and that the girle shall finde.

Tra.
Curster then she, why 'tis impossible.

Gre.
Why hee's a deuill, a deuill, a very fiend.

Tra.
Why she's a deuill, a deuill, the deuils damme.

Gre.
Tut, she's a Lambe, a Doue, a foole to him:
Ile tell you sir Lucentio; when the Priest
Should aske if Katherine should be his wife,
I, by goggs woones quoth he, and swore so loud,
That all amaz'd the Priest let fall the booke,
And as he stoop'd againe to take it vp,
This mad-brain'd bridegroome tooke him such a cuffe,
That downe fell Priest and booke, and booke and Priest,
Now take them vp quoth he, if any list.

Tra.
What said the wench when he rose againe?

Gre.
Trembled and shooke: for why, he stamp'd and swore,
as if the Vicar meant to cozen him:
but after many ceremonies done,
hee calls for wine, a health quoth he, as if
he had beene aboord carowsing to his Mates
after a storme, quaft off the Muscadell,
and threw the sops all in the Sextons face:
hauing no other reason,
but that his beard grew thinne and hungerly,
and seem'd to aske him sops as hee was drinking:
This done, hee tooke the Bride about the necke,
and kist her lips with such a clamorous smacke,
that at the parting all the Church did eccho:
and I seeing this, came thence for very shame,
and after mee I know the rout is comming,
such a mad marryage neuer was before:
harke, harke, I heare the minstrels play.
Musicke playes.
Enter Petruchio, Kate, Bianca, Hortensio, Baptista.

Petr.
Gentlemen & friends, I thank you for your pains,
I know you thinke to dine with me to day,
And haue prepar'd great store of wedding cheere,
But so it is, my haste doth call me hence,
And therefore heere I meane to take my leaue.

Bap.
Is't possible you will away to night?

Pet.
I must away to day before night come,
Make it no wonder: if you knew my businesse,
You would intreat me rather goe then stay:
And honest company, I thanke you all,
That haue beheld me giue away my selfe
To this most patient, sweet, and vertuous wife,
Dine with my father, drinke a health to me,
For I must hence, and farewell to you all.

Tra.
Let vs intreat you stay till after dinner.

Pet.
It may not be.

Gra.
Let me intreat you.

Pet.
It cannot be.

Kat.
Let me intreat you.

Pet.
I am content.

Kat.
Are you content to stay?

Pet.
I am content you shall entreat me stay,
But yet not stay, entreat me how you can.

Kat.
Now if you loue me stay.

Pet.
Grumio, my horse.

Gru.
I sir, they be ready, the Oates haue eaten the
horses.

Kate.
Nay then,
Doe what thou canst, I will not goe to day,
No, nor to morrow, not till I please my selfe,
The dore is open sir, there lies your way,
You may be iogging whiles your bootes are greene:
For me, Ile not be gone till I please my selfe,
'Tis like you'll proue a iolly surly groome,
That take it on you at the first so roundly.

Pet.
O Kate content thee, prethee be not angry.

Kat.
I will be angry, what hast thou to doe?
Father, be quiet, he shall stay my leisure.

Gre.
I marry sir, now it begins to worke.

Kat.
Gentlemen, forward to the bridall dinner,
I see a woman may be made a foole
If she had not a spirit to resist.

Pet.
They shall goe forward Kate at thy command,
Obey the Bride you that attend on her.
Goe to the feast, reuell and domineere,
Carowse full measure to her maiden-head,
Be madde and merry, or goe hang your selues:
But for my bonny Kate, she must with me:
Nay, looke not big, nor stampe, nor stare, nor fret,
I will be master of what is mine owne,
Shee is my goods, my chattels, she is my house,
My houshold-stuffe, my field, my barne,
My horse, my oxe, my asse, my any thing,
And heere she stands, touch her who euer dare,
Ile bring mine action on the proudest he
That stops my way in Padua: Grumio
Draw forth thy weapon, we are beset with theeues,
Rescue thy Mistresse if thou be a man:
Feare not sweet wench, they shall not touch thee Kate,
Ile buckler thee against a Million.
Exeunt. P. Ka.

Bap.
Nay, let them goe, a couple of quiet ones.

Gre.
Went they not quickly, I should die with laughing.

Tra.
Of all mad matches neuer was the like.

Luc.
Mistresse, what's your opinion of your sister?

Bian.
That being mad her selfe, she's madly mated.

Gre.
I warrant him Petruchio is Kated.

Bap.
Neighbours and friends, though Bride & Bride-groom wants
For to supply the places at the table,
You know there wants no iunkets at the feast:
Lucentio, you shall supply the Bridegroomes place,
And let Bianca take her sisters roome.

Tra.
Shall sweet Bianca practise how to bride it?

Bap.
She shall Lucentio: come gentlemen lets goe.
Exeunt.
Modern text
Act III, Scene I
Enter Lucentio as Cambio, Hortensio as Licio,
and Bianca

LUCENTIO
Fiddler, forbear, you grow too forward, sir.
Have you so soon forgot the entertainment
Her sister Katherine welcomed you withal?

HORTENSIO
But, wrangling pedant, this is
The patroness of heavenly harmony.
Then give me leave to have prerogative,
And when in music we have spent an hour,
Your lecture shall have leisure for as much.

LUCENTIO
Preposterous ass, that never read so far
To know the cause why music was ordained!
Was it not to refresh the mind of man
After his studies or his usual pain?
Then give me leave to read philosophy,
And while I pause serve in your harmony.

HORTENSIO
Sirrah, I will not bear these braves of thine.

BIANCA
Why, gentlemen, you do me double wrong
To strive for that which resteth in my choice.
I am no breeching scholar in the schools,
I'll not be tied to hours nor 'pointed times,
But learn my lessons as I please myself.
And, to cut off all strife, here sit we down.
Take you your instrument, play you the whiles –
His lecture will be done ere you have tuned.

HORTENSIO
You'll leave his lecture when I am in tune?

LUCENTIO
That will be never. Tune your instrument.

BIANCA
Where left we last?

LUCENTIO
Here, madam.
(He reads)
Hic ibat Simois; hic est Sigeia tellus,
Hic steterat Priami regia celsa senis.

BIANCA
Construe them.

LUCENTIO
Hic ibat ’, as I told you before – ‘ Simois,’ I am
Lucentio – ‘ hic est,’ son unto Vincentio of Pisa – ‘ Sigeia
tellus,’ disguised thus to get your love – ‘ Hic steterat,’
and that Lucentio that comes a-wooing – ‘ Priami,’ is my
man Tranio – ‘ regia,’ bearing my port – ‘ celsa senis,’
that we might beguile the old pantaloon.

HORTENSIO
Madam, my instrument's in tune.

BIANCA
Let's hear. (He plays) O fie! The treble jars.

LUCENTIO
Spit in the hole, man, and tune again.

BIANCA
Now let me see if I can construe it. ‘ Hic ibat
Simois,’ I know you not – ‘ hic est Sigeia tellus,’ I trust you
not – ‘ Hic steterat Priami,’ take heed he hear us not –
regia,’ presume not – ‘ celsa senis,’ despair not.

HORTENSIO
Madam, 'tis now in tune.

LUCENTIO
All but the bass.

HORTENSIO
The bass is right, 'tis the base knave that jars.
(aside) How fiery and forward our pedant is.
Now, for my life, the knave doth court my love.
Pedascule, I'll watch you better yet.

BIANCA
In time I may believe, yet I mistrust.

LUCENTIO
Mistrust it not – for, sure, Aeacides
Was Ajax, called so from his grandfather.

BIANCA
I must believe my master, else, I promise you,
I should be arguing still upon that doubt.
But let it rest. Now, Licio, to you.
Good master, take it not unkindly, pray,
That I have been thus pleasant with you both.

HORTENSIO
(to Lucentio)
You may go walk, and give me leave a while.
My lessons make no music in three parts.

LUCENTIO
Are you so formal, sir? Well, I must wait –
(aside) And watch withal, for, but I be deceived,
Our fine musician groweth amorous.

HORTENSIO
Madam, before you touch the instrument
To learn the order of my fingering,
I must begin with rudiments of art,
To teach you gamut in a briefer sort,
More pleasant, pithy, and effectual,
Than hath been taught by any of my trade.
And there it is in writing fairly drawn.

BIANCA
Why, I am past my gamut long ago.

HORTENSIO
Yet read the gamut of Hortensio.

BIANCA
(reads)
‘ Gamut I am, the ground of all accord
A re, to plead Hortensio's passion
B mi, Bianca, take him for thy lord
C fa ut, that loves with all affection
D sol re, one clef, two notes have I
E la mi, show pity or I die.’
Call you this gamut? Tut, I like it not!
Old fashions please me best. I am not so nice
To change true rules for odd inventions.
Enter a Servant

SERVANT
Mistress, your father prays you leave your books,
And help to dress your sister's chamber up.
You know tomorrow is the wedding-day.

BIANCA
Farewell, sweet masters both, I must be gone.
Exeunt Bianca and Servant

LUCENTIO
Faith, mistress, then I have no cause to stay.
Exit

HORTENSIO
But I have cause to pry into this pedant,
Methinks he looks as though he were in love.
Yet if thy thoughts, Bianca, be so humble
To cast thy wandering eyes on every stale,
Seize thee that list. If once I find thee ranging,
Hortensio will be quit with thee by changing.
Exit
Modern text
Act III, Scene II
Enter Baptista, Gremio, Tranio as Lucentio, Katherina,
Bianca, Lucentio as Cambio, and attendants on
Katherina

BAPTISTA
(to Tranio)
Signor Lucentio, this is the 'pointed day
That Katherine and Petruchio should be married,
And yet we hear not of our son-in-law.
What will be said? What mockery will it be
To want the bridegroom when the priest attends
To speak the ceremonial rites of marriage!
What says Lucentio to this shame of ours?

KATHERINA
No shame but mine. I must forsooth be forced
To give my hand, opposed against my heart,
Unto a mad-brain rudesby, full of spleen,
Who wooed in haste and means to wed at leisure.
I told you, I, he was a frantic fool,
Hiding his bitter jests in blunt behaviour.
And to be noted for a merry man,
He'll woo a thousand, 'point the day of marriage,
Make feasts, invite friends, and proclaim the banns,
Yet never means to wed where he hath wooed.
Now must the world point at poor Katherine,
And say, ‘ Lo, there is mad Petruchio's wife,
If it would please him come and marry her.’

TRANIO
Patience, good Katherine, and Baptista too.
Upon my life, Petruchio means but well,
Whatever fortune stays him from his word.
Though he be blunt, I know him passing wise,
Though he be merry, yet withal he's honest.

KATHERINA
Would Katherine had never seen him though.
Exit weeping, followed by Bianca and the other women

BAPTISTA
Go, girl, I cannot blame thee now to weep,
For such an injury would vex a saint,
Much more a shrew of thy impatient humour.
Enter Biondello

BIONDELLO
Master, master, news! And such old news as
you never heard of.

BAPTISTA
Is it new and old too? How may that be?

BIONDELLO
Why, is it not news to hear of Petruchio's
coming?

BAPTISTA
Is he come?

BIONDELLO
Why, no, sir.

BAPTISTA
What then?

BIONDELLO
He is coming.

BAPTISTA
When will he be here?

BIONDELLO
When he stands where I am and sees you
there.

TRANIO
But say, what to thine old news?

BIONDELLO
Why, Petruchio is coming in a new hat and
an old jerkin; a pair of old breeches thrice turned; a
pair of boots that have been candle-cases, one buckled,
another laced; an old rusty sword ta'en out of the town
armoury, with a broken hilt, and chapeless; with two
broken points; his horse hipped – with an old mothy
saddle and stirrups of no kindred – besides, possessed
with the glanders and like to mose in the chine; troubled
with the lampass, infected with the fashions, full of
windgalls, sped with spavins, rayed with the yellows,
past cure of the fives, stark spoiled with the staggers,
begnawn with the bots, swayed in the back and shoulder-shotten,
near-legged before, and with a half-cheeked
bit and a headstall of sheeps leather, which, being
restrained to keep him from stumbling, hath been often
burst and new-repaired with knots; one girth six times
pieced, and a woman's crupper of velure, which hath
two letters for her name fairly set down in studs, and
here and there pieced with pack-thread.

BAPTISTA
Who comes with him?

BIONDELLO
O sir, his lackey, for all the world caparisoned
like the horse; with a linen stock on one leg and a kersey
boot-hose on the other, gartered with a red and blue
list; an old hat, and the humour of forty fancies pricked
in't for a feather; a monster, a very monster in apparel,
and not like a Christian footboy or a gentleman's lackey.

TRANIO
'Tis some odd humour pricks him to this fashion.
Yet oftentimes he goes but mean-apparelled.

BAPTISTA
I am glad he's come, howsoe'er he comes.

BIONDELLO
Why, sir, he comes not.

BAPTISTA
Didst thou not say he comes?

BIONDELLO
Who? That Petruchio came?

BAPTISTA
Ay, that Petruchio came.

BIONDELLO
No, sir. I say his horse comes with him on
his back.

BAPTISTA
Why, that's all one.

BIONDELLO
Nay, by Saint Jamy,
I hold you a penny,
A horse and a man
Is more than one,
And yet not many.
Enter Petruchio and Grumio

PETRUCHIO
Come, where be these gallants? Who's at
home?

BAPTISTA
You are welcome, sir.

PETRUCHIO
And yet I come not well?

BAPTISTA
And yet you halt not.

TRANIO
Not so well apparelled as I wish you were.

PETRUCHIO
Were it not better I should rush in thus?
But where is Kate? Where is my lovely bride?
How does my father? Gentles, methinks you frown.
And wherefore gaze this goodly company
As if they saw some wondrous monument,
Some comet, or unusual prodigy?

BAPTISTA
Why, sir, you know this is your wedding-day.
First were we sad, fearing you would not come,
Now sadder that you come so unprovided.
Fie, doff this habit, shame to your estate,
An eye-sore to our solemn festival.

TRANIO
And tells us what occasion of import
Hath all so long detained you from your wife
And sent you hither so unlike yourself?

PETRUCHIO
Tedious it were to tell, and harsh to hear –
Sufficeth I am come to keep my word,
Though in some part enforced to digress,
Which at more leisure I will so excuse
As you shall well be satisfied withal.
But where is Kate? I stay too long from her.
The morning wears, 'tis time we were at church.

TRANIO
See not your bride in these unreverent robes,
Go to my chamber, put on clothes of mine.

PETRUCHIO
Not I, believe me. Thus I'll visit her.

BAPTISTA
But thus, I trust, you will not marry her.

PETRUCHIO
Good sooth, even thus. Therefore ha' done with words;
To me she's married, not unto my clothes.
Could I repair what she will wear in me
As I can change these poor accoutrements,
'Twere well for Kate and better for myself.
But what a fool am I to chat with you,
When I should bid good morrow to my bride,
And seal the title with a lovely kiss.
Exit with Grumio

TRANIO
He hath some meaning in his mad attire.
We will persuade him, be it possible,
To put on better ere he go to church.

BAPTISTA
I'll after him and see the event of this.
Exit followed by Gremio, Biondello, and attendants

TRANIO
But, sir, to love concerneth us to add
Her father's liking, which to bring to pass,
As I before imparted to your worship,
I am to get a man – whate'er he be
It skills not much, we'll fit him to our turn –
And he shall be Vincentio of Pisa,
And make assurance here in Padua
Of greater sums than I have promised.
So shall you quietly enjoy your hope
And marry sweet Bianca with consent.

LUCENTIO
Were it not that my fellow schoolmaster
Doth watch Bianca's steps so narrowly,
'Twere good methinks to steal our marriage,
Which once performed, let all the world say no,
I'll keep mine own despite of all the world.

TRANIO
That by degrees we mean to look into
And watch our vantage in this business.
We'll overreach the greybeard Gremio,
The narrow-prying father Minola,
The quaint musician, amorous Licio –
All for my master's sake, Lucentio.
Enter Gremio
Signor Gremio, came you from the church?

GREMIO
As willingly as e'er I came from school.

TRANIO
And is the bride and bridegroom coming home?

GREMIO
A bridegroom, say you? 'Tis a groom indeed,
A grumbling groom, and that the girl shall find.

TRANIO
Curster than she? Why, 'tis impossible.

GREMIO
Why he's a devil, a devil, a very fiend.

TRANIO
Why, she's a devil, a devil, the devil's dam.

GREMIO
Tut, she's a lamb, a dove, a fool to him.
I'll tell you, Sir Lucentio – when the priest
Should ask if Katherine should be his wife,
‘ Ay, by gogs-wouns,’ quoth he, and swore so loud
That all-amazed the priest let fall the book,
And, as he stooped again to take it up,
The mad-brained bridegroom took him such a cuff
That down fell priest and book, and book and priest.
‘ Now take them up,’ quoth he, ‘ if any list.’

TRANIO
What said the wench when he rose up again?

GREMIO
Trembled and shook. For why, he stamped and swore
As if the vicar meant to cozen him.
But after many ceremonies done
He calls for wine. ‘ A health!’ quoth he, as if
He had been aboard, carousing to his mates
After a storm; quaffed off the muscadel,
And threw the sops all in the sexton's face,
Having no other reason
But that his beard grew thin and hungerly
And seemed to ask him sops as he was drinking.
This done, he took the bride about the neck,
And kissed her lips with such a clamorous smack
That at the parting all the church did echo.
And I seeing this came thence for very shame,
And after me, I know, the rout is coming.
Such a mad marriage never was before.
Hark, hark! I hear the minstrels play.
Music plays
Enter Petruchio, Katherina, Bianca, Baptista, Hortensio,
Grumio, and attendants

PETRUCHIO
Gentlemen and friends, I thank you for your pains.
I know you think to dine with me today,
And have prepared great store of wedding cheer,
But so it is, my haste doth call me hence,
And therefore here I mean to take my leave.

BAPTISTA
Is't possible you will away to-night?

PETRUCHIO
I must away today, before night come.
Make it no wonder. If you knew my business,
You would entreat me rather go than stay.
And, honest company, I thank you all
That have beheld me give away myself
To this most patient, sweet, and virtuous wife.
Dine with my father, drink a health to me,
For I must hence, and farewell to you all.

TRANIO
Let us entreat you stay till after dinner.

PETRUCHIO
It may not be.

GREMIO
Let me entreat you.

PETRUCHIO
It cannot be.

KATHERINA
Let me entreat you.

PETRUCHIO
I am content.

KATHERINA
Are you content to stay?

PETRUCHIO
I am content you shall entreat me stay –
But yet not stay, entreat me how you can.

KATHERINA
Now if you love me stay.

PETRUCHIO
Grumio, my horse.

GRUMIO
Ay, sir, they be ready – the oats have eaten the
horses.

KATHERINA
Nay then,
Do what thou canst, I will not go today.
No, nor tomorrow – not till I please myself.
The door is open, sir, there lies your way,
You may be jogging whiles your boots are green.
For me, I'll not be gone till I please myself.
'Tis like you'll prove a jolly surly groom
That take it on you at the first so roundly.

PETRUCHIO
O Kate, content thee, prithee be not angry.

KATHERINA
I will be angry – what hast thou to do?
Father, be quiet – he shall stay my leisure.

GREMIO
Ay marry, sir, now it begins to work.

KATHERINA
Gentlemen, forward to the bridal dinner.
I see a woman may be made a fool
If she had not a spirit to resist.

PETRUCHIO
They shall go forward, Kate, at thy command.
Obey the bride, you that attend on her.
Go to the feast, revel and domineer,
Carouse full measure to her maidenhead,
Be mad and merry, or go hang yourselves.
But for my bonny Kate, she must with me.
He seizes her, as though to protect her from the rest of
the company, to whom he speaks
Nay, look not big, nor stamp, nor stare, nor fret,
I will be master of what is mine own.
She is my goods, my chattels, she is my house,
My household stuff, my field, my barn,
My horse, my ox, my ass, my any thing,
And here she stands. Touch her whoever dare!
I'll bring mine action on the proudest he
That stops my way in Padua. Grumio,
Draw forth thy weapon, we are beset with thieves,
Rescue thy mistress if thou be a man.
Fear not, sweet wench, they shall not touch thee, Kate.
I'll buckler thee against a million.
Exeunt Petruchio, Katherina, and Grumio

BAPTISTA
Nay, let them go, a couple of quiet ones.

GREMIO
Went they not quickly, I should die with laughing.

TRANIO
Of all mad matches never was the like.

LUCENTIO
Mistress, what's your opinion of your sister?

BIANCA
That being mad herself, she's madly mated.

GREMIO
I warrant him, Petruchio is Kated.

BAPTISTA
Neighbours and friends, though bride and bridegroom wants
For to supply the places at the table,
You know there wants no junkets at the feast.
Lucentio, you shall supply the bridegroom's place,
And let Bianca take her sister's room.

TRANIO
Shall sweet Bianca practise how to bride it?

BAPTISTA
She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let's go.
Exeunt
SHAKESPEARE'S WORDS © 2018 DAVID CRYSTAL & BEN CRYSTAL