The Comedy of Errors

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Original text
Act IV, Scene I
Enter a Merchant, Goldsmith, and
an Officer.

Mar.
You know since Pentecost the sum is due,
And since I haue not much importun'd you,
Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
To Persia, and want Gilders for my voyage:
Therefore make present satisfaction,
Or Ile attach you by this Officer.

Gold.
Euen iust the sum that I do owe to you,
Is growing to me by Antipholus,
And in the instant that I met with you,
He had of me a Chaine, at fiue a clocke
I shall receiue the money for the same:
Pleaseth you walke with me downe to his house,
I will discharge my bond, and thanke you too.
Enter Antipholus Ephes. Dromio
from the Courtizans.

Offi.
That labour may you saue: See where he comes.

Ant.
While I go to the Goldsmiths house, go thou
And buy a ropes end, that will I bestow
Among my wife, and their confederates,
For locking me out of my doores by day:
But soft I see the Goldsmith; get thee gone,
Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me.

Dro.
I buy a thousand pound a yeare, I buy a rope.
Exit Dromio

Eph.Ant.
A man is well holpe vp that trusts to you,
I promised your presence, and the Chaine,
But neither Chaine nor Goldsmith came to me:
Belike you thought our loue would last too long
If it were chain'd together: and therefore came not.

Gold.
Sauing your merrie humor: here's the note
How much your Chaine weighs to the vtmost charect,
The finenesse of the Gold, and chargefull fashion,
Which doth amount to three odde Duckets more
Then I stand debted to this Gentleman,
I pray you see him presently discharg'd,
For he is bound to Sea, and stayes but for it.

Anti.
I am not furnish'd with the present monie:
Besides I haue some businesse in the towne,
Good Signior take the stranger to my house,
And with you take the Chaine, and bid my wife
Disburse the summe, on the receit thereof,
Perchance I will be there as soone as you.

Gold.
Then you will bring the Chaine to her your selfe.

Anti.
No beare it with you, least I come not time enough.

Gold.
Well sir, I will? Haue you the Chaine about you?

Ant.
And if I haue not sir, I hope you haue:
Or else you may returne without your money.

Gold.
Nay come I pray you sir, giue me the Chaine:
Both winde and tide stayes for this Gentleman,
And I too blame haue held him heere too long.

Anti.
Good Lord, you vse this dalliance to excuse
Your breach of promise to the Porpentine,
I should haue chid you for not bringing it,
But like a shrew you first begin to brawle.

Mar.
The houre steales on, I pray you sir dispatch.

Gold.
You heare how he importunes me, the Chaine.

Ant.
Why giue it to my wife, and fetch your mony.

Gold.
Come, come, you know I gaue it you euen now.
Either send the Chaine, or send me by some token.

Ant.
Fie, now you run this humor out of breath,
Come where's the Chaine, I pray you let me see it.

Mar.
My businesse cannot brooke this dalliance,
Good sir say, whe'r you'l answer me, or no:
If not, Ile leaue him to the Officer.

Ant.
I answer you? What should I answer you.

Gold.
The monie that you owe me for the Chaine.

Ant.
I owe you none, till I receiue the Chaine.

Gold.
You know I gaue it you halfe an houre since.

Ant.
You gaue me none, you wrong mee much to say so.

Gold.
You wrong me more sir in denying it.
Consider how it stands vpon my credit.

Mar.
Well Officer, arrest him at my suite.

Offi.
I do,
and charge you in the Dukes name to obey me.

Gold.
This touches me in reputation.
Either consent to pay this sum for me,
Or I attach you by this Officer.

Ant.
Consent to pay thee that I neuer had:
Arrest me foolish fellow if thou dar'st.

Gold.
Heere is thy fee, arrest him Officer.
I would not spare my brother in this case,
If he should scorne me so apparantly.

Offic.
I do arrest you sir, you heare the suite.

Ant.
I do obey thee, till I giue thee baile.
But sirrah, you shall buy this sport as deere,
As all the mettall in your shop will answer.

Gold.
Sir, sir, I shall haue Law in Ephesus,
To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.
Enter Dromio Sira. from the Bay.

Dro.
Master, there's a Barke of Epidamium,
That staies but till her Owner comes aboord,
And then sir she beares away. Our fraughtage sir,
I haue conuei'd aboord, and I haue bought
The Oyle, the Balsamum, and Aqua-vitae.
The ship is in her trim, the merrie winde
Blowes faire from land: they stay for nought at all,
But for their Owner, Master, and your selfe.

An.
How now? a Madman? Why thou peeuish sheep
What ship of Epidamium staies for me.

S.Dro.
A ship you sent me too, to hier waftage.

Ant.
Thou drunken slaue, I sent thee for a rope,
And told thee to what purpose, and what end.

S.Dro.
You sent me for a ropes end as soone,
You sent me to the Bay sir, for a Barke.

Ant.
I will debate this matter at more leisure
And teach your eares to list me with more heede:
To Adriana Villaine hie thee straight:
Giue her this key, and tell her in the Deske
That's couer'd o're with Turkish Tapistrie,
There is a purse of Duckets, let her send it:
Tell her, I am arrested in the streete,
And that shall baile me: hie thee slaue, be gone,
On Officer to prison, till it come.
Exeunt

S.Dromio.
To Adriana, that is where we din'd,
Where Dowsabell did claime me for her husband,
She is too bigge I hope for me to compasse,
Thither I must, although against my will:
For seruants must their Masters mindes fulfill.
Exit
Original text
Act IV, Scene II
Enter Adriana and Luciana.

Adr.
Ah Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
Might'st thou perceiue austeerely in his eie,
That he did plead in earnest, yea or no:
Look'd he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?
What obseruation mad'st thou in this case?
Oh, his hearts Meteors tilting in his face.

Luc.
First he deni'de you had in him no right.

Adr.
He meant he did me none: the more my spight

Luc.
Then swore he that he was a stranger heere.

Adr.
And true he swore, though yet forsworne hee were.

Luc.
Then pleaded I for you.

Adr.
And what said he?

Luc.
That loue I begg'd for you, he begg'd of me.

Adr.
With what perswasion did he tempt thy loue?

Luc.
With words, that in an honest suit might moue.
First, he did praise my beautie, then my speech.

Adr.
Did'st speake him faire?

Luc.
Haue patience I beseech.

Adr.
I cannot, nor I will not hold me still.
My tongue, though not my heart, shall haue his will.
He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac'd, worse bodied, shapelesse euery where:
Vicious, vngentle, foolish, blunt, vnkinde,
Stigmaticall in making worse in minde.

Luc.
Who would be iealous then of such a one?
No euill lost is wail'd, when it is gone.

Adr.
Ah but I thinke him better then I say:
And yet would herein others eies were worse:
Farre from her nest the Lapwing cries away;
My heart praies for him, though my tongue doe curse.
Enter S.Dromio.

Dro.
Here goe: the deske, the purse, sweet now make haste.

Luc.
How hast thou lost thy breath?

S.Dro.
By running fast.

Adr.
Where is thy Master Dromio? Is he well?

S.Dro.
No, he's in Tartar limbo, worse then hell:
A diuell in an euerlasting garment hath him;
On whose hard heart is button'd vp with steele:
A Feind, a Fairie, pittilesse and ruffe:
A Wolfe, nay worse, a fellow all in buffe:
A back friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that countermãds
The passages of allies, creekes, and narrow lands:
A hound that runs Counter, and yet draws drifoot well,
One that before the Iudgmẽt carries poore soules to hel.

Adr.
Why man, what is the matter?

S.Dro.
I doe not know the matter, hee is rested on the case.

Adr.
What is he arrested? tell me at whose suite?

S.Dro.
I know not at whose suite he is arested well;
but is in a suite of buffe which rested him, that can I tell,
will you send him Mistris redemption, the monie in his deske.

Adr.
Go fetch it Sister:
Exit Luciana.
this I wonder at.
Thus he vnknowne to me should be in debt:
Tell me, was he arested on a band?

S.Dro.
Not on a band, but on a stronger thing:
A chaine, a chaine, doe you not here it ring.

Adria.
What, the chaine?

S.Dro.
No, no, the bell, 'tis time that I were gone:
It was two ere I left him, and now the clocke strikes one.

Adr.
The houres come backe, that did I neuer here.

S.Dro.
Oh yes, if any houre meete a Serieant, a turnes backe for verie feare.

Adri.
As if time were in debt: how fondly do'st thou reason?

S.Dro.
Time is a verie bankerout, and owes more then he's worth to season.
Nay, he's a theefe too: haue you not heard men say,
That time comes stealing on by night and day?
If I be in debt and theft, and a Serieant in the way,
Hath he not reason to turne backe an houre in a day?
Enter Luciana.

Adr.
Go Dromio, there's the monie, beare it straight,
And bring thy Master home imediately.
Come sister, I am prest downe with conceit:
Conceit, my comfort and my iniurie.
Exit.
Original text
Act IV, Scene III
Enter Antipholus Siracusia.
There's not a man I meete but doth salute me 
As if I were their well acquainted friend, 
And euerie one doth call me by my name: 
Some tender monie to me, some inuite me; 
Some other giue me thankes for kindnesses; 
Some offer me Commodities to buy. 
Euen now a tailor cal'd me in his shop, 
And show'd me Silkes that he had bought for me, 
And therewithall tooke measure of my body. 
Sure these are but imaginarie wiles, 
And lapland Sorcerers inhabite here. 
Enter Dromio. Sir.

S.Dro.
Master, here's the gold you sent me for: what 
haue you got the picture of old Adam 
new apparel'd? 

Ant.
What gold is this? What Adam do'st thou meane? 

S.Dro.
Not that Adam that kept the 
Paradise: but that Adam that keepes the prison; hee that 
goes in the calues-skin, that was kil'd for the Prodigall: 
hee that came behinde you sir, like an euill angel, and bid 
you forsake your libertie. 

Ant.
I vnderstand thee not. 

S.Dro.
No? why 'tis a plaine case: he 
that went like a Base-Viole in a case of leather; the man 
sir, that when gentlemen are tired giues them a sob, and 
rests them: he sir, that takes pittie on decaied men, and 
giues them suites of durance: he that sets vp his rest to 
doe more exploits with his Mace, then a Moris Pike. 

Ant.
What thou mean'st an 
officer? 

S.Dro.
I sir, the Serieant of the Band: 
he that brings any man to answer it that breakes his 
Band: one that thinkes a man alwaies going to bed, and 
saies, God giue you good rest. 

Ant.
Well sir, there rest in 
your foolerie: Is there any ships puts forth to night? 
may we be gone? 

S.Dro.
Why sir, I brought you word an houre since, 
that the Barke Expedition put forth to night, 
and then were you hindred by the Serieant to tarry for 
the Hoy Delay: Here are the angels that you sent for to 
deliuer you. 

Ant.
The fellow is distract, and so am I, 
And here we wander in illusions: 
Some blessed power deliuer vs from hence. 
Enter a Curtizan.

Cur.
Well met, well met, Master Antipholus: 
I see sir you haue found the Gold-smith now: 
Is that the chaine you promis'd me to day. 

Ant.
Sathan auoide, I charge thee tempt me not. 

S.Dro.
Master, is this Mistris Sathan? 

Ant.
It is the diuell. 

S.Dro.
Nay, she is worse, she is the 
diuels dam: And here she comes in the habit of a light 
wench, and thereof comes, that the wenches say God 
dam me, That's as much to say, God make me a light 
wench: It is written, they appeare to men like angels of 
light, light is an effect of fire, and fire will burne: ergo, 
light wenches will burne, come not neere her. 

Cur.
Your man and you are maruailous merrie sir. 
Will you goe with me, wee'll mend our dinner here? 

S.Dro.
Master, if do expect spoon-meate, 
or bespeake a long spoone. 

Ant.
Why Dromio? 

S.Dro.
Marrie he must haue a long 
spoone that must eate with the diuell. 

Ant.

Auoid then fiend, what tel'st thou me of supping? 
Thou art, as you are all a sorceresse: 
I coniure thee to leaue me, and be gon. 

Cur.
Giue me the ring of mine you had at dinner, 
Or for my Diamond the Chaine you promis'd, 
And Ile be gone sir, and not trouble you. 

S.Dro.
Some diuels aske but the parings of ones naile, 
a rush, a haire, a drop of blood, a pin, 
a nut, a cherrie-stone: 
but she more couetous, wold haue a chaine: 
Master be wise, and if you giue it her, 
the diuell will shake her Chaine, and fright vs with it. 

Cur.
I pray you sir my Ring, or else the Chaine, 
I hope you do not meane to cheate me so? 

Ant.
Auant thou witch: Come Dromio let vs go. 

S.Dro.
Flie pride saies the Pea-cocke, Mistris that you know. 
Exit.

Cur.
Now out of doubt Antipholus is mad, 
Else would he neuer so demeane himselfe, 
A Ring he hath of mine worth fortie Duckets, 
And for the same he promis'd me a Chaine, 
Both one and other he denies me now: 
The reason that I gather he is mad, 
Besides this present instance of his rage, 
Is a mad tale he told to day at dinner, 
Of his owne doores being shut against his entrance. 
Belike his wife acquainted with his fits, 
On purpose shut the doores against his way: 
My way is now to hie home to his house, 
And tell his wife, that being Lunaticke, 
He rush'd into my house, and tooke perforce 
My Ring away. This course I fittest choose, 
For fortie Duckets is too much to loose. 


Original text
Act IV, Scene IV
Enter Antipholus Ephes. with a Iailor.

An.
Feare me not man, I will not breake away,
Ile giue thee ere I leaue thee so much money
To warrant thee as I am rested for.
My wife is in a wayward moode to day,
And will not lightly trust the Messenger,
That I should be attach'd in Ephesus,
I tell you 'twill sound harshly in her eares.
Enter Dromio Eph. with a ropes end.
Heere comes my Man, I thinke he brings the monie.
How now sir? Haue you that I sent you for?

E.Dro.
Here's that I warrant you will pay them all.

Anti.
But where's the Money?

E.Dro.
Why sir, I gaue the Monie for the Rope.

Ant.
Fiue hundred Duckets villaine for a rope?

E.Dro.
Ile serue you sir fiue hundred at the rate.

Ant.
To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?

E.Dro.
To a ropes end sir, and to that end am I return'd.

Ant.
And to that end sir, I will welcome you.

Offi.
Good sir be patient.

E.Dro.
Nay 'tis for me to be patient, I am in aduersitie.

Offi.
Good now hold thy tongue.

E.Dro.
Nay, rather perswade him to hold his hands.

Anti.
Thou whoreson senselesse
Villaine.

E.Dro.
I would I were senselesse sir, that
I might not feele your blowes.

Anti.
Thou art sensible in nothing but blowes, and so is an Asse.

E.Dro.
I am an Asse indeede, you may
prooue it by my long eares. I haue serued him from the
houre of my Natiuitie to this instant, and haue nothing at
his hands for my seruice but blowes. When I am cold, he
heates me with beating: when I am warme, he cooles me
with beating: I am wak'd with it when I sleepe, rais'd
with it when I sit, driuen out of doores with it when I
goe from home, welcom'd home with it when I returne,
nay I beare it on my shoulders, as a begger woont her
brat: and I thinke when he hath lam'd me, I shall begge
with it from doore to doore.
Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtizan, and a Schoole-master,
call'd Pinch

Ant.
Come goe along, my wife is comming yonder.

E.Dro.
Mistris respice finem, respect
your end, or rather the prophesie like the Parrat, beware
the ropes end.

Anti
Wilt thou still talke?
Beats Dro.

Curt.
How say you now? Is not your husband mad?

Adri.
His inciuility confirmes no lesse:
Good Doctor Pinch, you are a Coniurer,
Establish him in his true sence againe,
And I will please you what you will demand.

Luc.
Alas how fiery, and how sharpe he lookes.

Cur.
Marke, how he trembles in his extasie.

Pinch.
Giue me your hand, and let mee feele your pulse.

Ant.
There is my hand, and let it feele your eare.

Pinch.
I charge thee Sathan, hous'd within this man,
To yeeld possession to my holie praiers,
And to thy state of darknesse hie thee straight,
I coniure thee by all the Saints in heauen.

Anti.
Peace doting wizard, peace; I am not mad.

Adr.
Oh that thou wer't not, poore distressed soule.

Anti.
You Minion you, are these your Customers?
Did this Companion with the saffron face
Reuell and feast it at my house to day,
Whil'st vpon me the guiltie doores were shut,
And I denied to enter in my house.

Adr.
O husband, God doth know you din'd at home
Where would you had remain'd vntill this time,
Free from these slanders, and this open shame.

Anti.
Din'd at home? Thou Villaine, what sayest thou?

Dro.
Sir sooth to say, you did not dine at home.

Ant.
Were not my doores lockt vp, and I shut out?

Dro.
Perdie, your doores were lockt, and you shut out.

Anti.
And did not she her selfe reuile me there?

Dro.
Sans Fable, she her selfe reuil'd you there.

Anti.
Did not her Kitchen maide raile, taunt, and scorne me?

Dro.
Certis she did, the kitchin vestall scorn'd you.

Ant.
And did not I in rage depart from thence?

Dro.
In veritie you did, my bones beares witnesse,
That since haue felt the vigor of his rage.

Adr.
Is't good to sooth him in these contraries?

Pinch.
It is no shame, the fellow finds his vaine,
And yeelding to him, humors well his frensie.

Ant.
Thou hast subborn'd the Goldsmith to arrest mee.

Adr.
Alas, I sent you Monie to redeeme you,
By Dromio heere, who came in hast for it.

Dro.
Monie by me? Heart and good will you might,
But surely Master not a ragge of Monie.

Ant.
Wentst not thou to her for a purse of Duckets.

Adri.
He came to me, and I deliuer'd it.

Luci.
And I am witnesse with her that she did:

Dro.
God and the Rope-maker beare me witnesse,
That I was sent for nothing but a rope.

Pinch.
Mistris, both Man and Master is possest,
I know it by their pale and deadly lookes,
They must be bound and laide in some darke roome.

Ant.

Say wherefore didst thou locke me forth to day,


And why dost thou denie the bagge of gold?

Adr.
I did not gentle husband locke thee forth.

Dro.
And gentle Mr I receiu'd no gold:
But I confesse sir, that we were lock'd out.

Adr.
Dissembling Villain, thou speak'st false in both

Ant.
Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all,
And art confederate with a damned packe,
To make a loathsome abiect scorne of me:
But with these nailes, Ile plucke out these false eyes,
That would behold in me this shamefull sport.

Adr.
Oh binde him, binde him, let him not come neere me.
Enter three or foure, and offer to binde him:
Hee striues

Pinch.
More company, the fiend is strong within him

Luc.
Aye me poore man, how pale and wan he looks.

Ant.
What will you murther me, thou Iailor thou?
I am thy prisoner, wilt thou suffer them
to make a rescue?

Offi.
Masters let him go:
he is my prisoner, and you shall not haue him.

Pinch.
Go binde this man, for he is franticke too.



Adr.
What wilt thou do, thou peeuish Officer?
Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
Do outrage and displeasure to himselfe?

Offi.
He is my prisoner, if I let him go,
The debt he owes will be requir'd of me.

Adr.
I will discharge thee ere I go from thee,
Beare me forthwith vnto his Creditor,
And knowing how the debt growes I will pay it.
Good Master Doctor see him safe conuey'd
Home to my house, oh most vnhappy day.

Ant.
Oh most vnhappie strumpet.

Dro.
Master, I am heere entred in bond for you.

Ant.
Out on thee Villaine, wherefore dost thou mad mee?

Dro.
Will you be bound for nothing, be mad good Master,
cry the diuell.

Luc.
God helpe poore soules, how idlely doe they talke.

Adr.
Go beare him hence, sister go you with me:
Exeunt. Manet Offic. Adri. Luci. Courtizan
Say now, whose suite is he arrested at?

Off.
One Angelo a Goldsmith, do you know him?

Adr.
I know the man: what is the summe he owes?

Off.
Two hundred Duckets.

Adr.
Say, how growes it due.

Off.
Due for a Chaine your husband had of him.

Adr.
He did bespeake a Chain for me, but had it not.

Cur.
When as your husband all in rage to day
Came to my house, and tooke away my Ring,
The Ring I saw vpon his finger now,
Straight after did I meete him with a Chaine.

Adr.
It may be so, but I did neuer see it.
Come Iailor, bring me where the Goldsmith is,
I long to know the truth heereof at large.
Enter Antipholus Siracusia with his Rapier drawne,
and Dromio Sirac

Luc.
God for thy mercy, they are loose againe.

Adr.
And come with naked swords, Let's call more helpe
to haue them bound againe. Runne all out.

Off.
Away, they'l kill vs.
Exeunt omnes, as fast as may be, frighted.

S.Ant.
I see these Witches are affraid of swords.

S.Dro.
She that would be your wife, now ran from you.

Ant.
Come to the Centaur, fetch our stuffe from thence:
I long that we were safe and sound aboord.

Dro.
Faith stay heere this night, they
will surely do vs no harme: you saw they speake vs faire,
giue vs gold: me thinkes they are such a gentle Nation,
that but for the Mountaine of mad flesh that claimes
mariage of me, I could finde in my heart to stay heere
still, and turne Witch.

Ant.
I will not stay to night for all the Towne,
Therefore away, to get our stuffe aboord.
Exeunt
Modern text
Act IV, Scene I
Enter Second Merchant, Angelo the goldsmith, and
an Officer

SECOND MERCHANT
You know since Pentecost the sum is due,
And since I have not much importuned you;
Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
To Persia, and want guilders for my voyage.
Therefore make present satisfaction,
Or I'll attach you by this officer.

ANGELO
Even just the sum that I do owe to you
Is growing to me by Antipholus,
And in the instant that I met with you
He had of me a chain. At five o'clock
I shall receive the money for the same.
Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house,
I will discharge my bond, and thank you, too.
Enter Antipholus of Ephesus and Dromio of Ephesus,
from the Courtesan's

OFFICER
That labour may you save. See where he comes.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
While I go to the goldsmith's house, go thou
And buy a rope's end; that will I bestow
Among my wife and her confederates
For locking me out of my doors by day.
But soft, I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone;
Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I buy a thousand pound a year, I buy a rope.
Exit

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
A man is well holp up that trusts to you.
I promised your presence and the chain,
But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me.
Belike you thought our love would last too long
If it were chained together, and therefore came not.

ANGELO
Saving your merry humour, here's the note
How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat,
The fineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion,
Which doth amount to three odd ducats more
Than I stand debted to this gentleman.
I pray you see him presently discharged,
For he is bound to sea, and stays but for it.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I am not furnished with the present money;
Besides, I have some business in the town.
Good signor, take the stranger to my house,
And with you take the chain, and bid my wife
Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof.
Perchance I will be there as soon as you.

ANGELO
Then you will bring the chain to her yourself.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
No, bear it with you lest I come not time enough.

ANGELO
Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
An if I have not, sir, I hope you have;
Or else you may return without your money.

ANGELO
Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain.
Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,
And I, too blame, have held him here too long.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Good Lord! You use this dalliance to excuse
Your breach of promise to the Porpentine.
I should have chid you for not bringing it,
But like a shrew you first begin to brawl.

SECOND MERCHANT
The hour steals on. I pray you, sir, dispatch.

ANGELO
You hear how he importunes me. The chain!

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your money.

ANGELO
Come, come. You know I gave it you even now.
Either send the chain, or send me by some token.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Fie, now you run this humour out of breath.
Come, where's the chain? I pray you let me see it.

SECOND MERCHANT
My business cannot brook this dalliance.
Good sir, say whe'er you'll answer me or no.
If not, I'll leave him to the officer.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I answer you? What should I answer you?

ANGELO
The money that you owe me for the chain.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I owe you none till I receive the chain.

ANGELO
You know I gave it you half an hour since.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
You gave me none. You wrong me much to say so.

ANGELO
You wrong me more, sir, in denying it.
Consider how it stands upon my credit.

SECOND MERCHANT
Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.

OFFICER
I do,
And charge you in the Duke's name to obey me.

ANGELO
This touches me in reputation.
Either consent to pay this sum for me,
Or I attach you by this officer.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Consent to pay thee that I never had?
Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou darest.

ANGELO
Here is thy fee – arrest him, officer.
I would not spare my brother in this case
If he should scorn me so apparently.

OFFICER
I do arrest you, sir. You hear the suit.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I do obey thee till I give thee bail.
But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear
As all the metal in your shop will answer.

ANGELO
Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus,
To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.
Enter Dromio of Syracuse, from the bay

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Master, there's a bark of Epidamnum
That stays but till her owner comes aboard,
And then she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir,
I have conveyed aboard, and I have bought
The oil, the balsamum, and aqua-vitae.
The ship is in her trim; the merry wind
Blows fair from land. They stay for naught at all
But for their owner, master, and yourself.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
How now? A madman? Why, thou peevish sheep,
What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope,
And told thee to what purpose, and what end.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
You sent me for a rope's end as soon.
You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I will debate this matter at more leisure,
And teach your ears to list me with more heed.
To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight.
Give her this key, and tell her in the desk
That's covered o'er with Turkish tapestry
There is a purse of ducats. Let her send it.
Tell her I am arrested in the street,
And that shall bail me. Hie thee, slave. Be gone.
On, officer; to prison, till it come.
Exeunt all but Dromio of Syracuse

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
To Adriana. That is where we dined,
Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband.
She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.
Thither I must, although against my will;
For servants must their masters' minds fulfil.
Exit
Modern text
Act IV, Scene II
Enter Adriana and Luciana

ADRIANA
Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
Mightst thou perceive austerely in his eye
That he did plead in earnest, yea or no?
Looked he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?
What observation madest thou in this case
Of his heart's meteors tilting in his face?

LUCIANA
First, he denied you had in him no right.

ADRIANA
He meant he did me none, the more my spite.

LUCIANA
Then swore he that he was a stranger here.

ADRIANA
And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.

LUCIANA
Then pleaded I for you.

ADRIANA
And what said he?

LUCIANA
That love I begged for you, he begged of me.

ADRIANA
With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?

LUCIANA
With words that in an honest suit might move.
First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.

ADRIANA
Didst speak him fair?

LUCIANA
Have patience, I beseech.

ADRIANA
I cannot nor I will not hold me still.
My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.
He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere;
Ill-faced, worse-bodied, shapeless everywhere;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.

LUCIANA
Who would be jealous, then, of such a one?
No evil lost is wailed when it is gone.

ADRIANA
Ah, but I think him better than I say,
And yet would herein others' eyes were worse.
Far from her nest the lapwing cries away.
My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.
Enter Dromio of Syracuse

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Here, go – the desk, the purse, sweet, now, make haste.

LUCIANA
How hast thou lost thy breath?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
By running fast.

ADRIANA
Where is thy master, Dromio? Is he well?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
No. He's in Tartar limbo, worse than hell.
A devil in an everlasting garment hath him,
One whose hard heart is buttoned up with steel,
A fiend, a fairy, pitiless and rough;
A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff;
A backfriend, a shoulder-clapper, one that countermands
The passages of alleys, creeks, and narrow lands;
A hound that runs counter, and yet draws dryfoot well;
One that before the Judgement carries poor souls to hell.

ADRIANA
Why, man, what is the matter?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I do not know the matter, he is 'rested on the case.

ADRIANA
What, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I know not at whose suit he is arrested well;
But he's in a suit of buff which 'rested him, that can I tell.
Will you send him, mistress, redemption – the money in his desk?

ADRIANA
Go fetch it, sister.
Exit Luciana
This I wonder at,
That he unknown to me should be in debt.
Tell me, was he arrested on a band?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Not on a band, but on a stronger thing:
A chain, a chain – do you not hear it ring?

ADRIANA
What, the chain?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
No, no – the bell. 'Tis time that I were gone.
It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes one.

ADRIANA
The hours come back – that did I never hear.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
O yes, if any hour meet a sergeant 'a turns back for very fear.

ADRIANA
As if time were in debt. How fondly dost thou reason!

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more than he's worth to season.
Nay, he's a thief, too. Have you not heard men say
That time comes stealing on by night and day?
If 'a be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the way,
Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?
Enter Luciana with the money

ADRIANA
Go, Dromio, there's the money. Bear it straight,
And bring thy master home immediately.
Come, sister, I am pressed down with conceit –
Conceit, my comfort and my injury.
Exeunt
Modern text
Act IV, Scene III
Enter Antipholus of Syracuse

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
There's not a man I meet but doth salute me
As if I were their well-acquainted friend,
And every one doth call me by my name.
Some tender money to me, some invite me,
Some other give me thanks for kindnesses.
Some offer me commodities to buy.
Even now a tailor called me in his shop
And showed me silks that he had bought for me,
And therewithal took measure of my body.
Sure, these are but imaginary wiles,
And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.
Enter Dromio of Syracuse

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Master, here's the gold you sent
me for. – What, have you got the picture of old Adam
new-apparelled?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Not that Adam that kept the
paradise, but that Adam that keeps the prison. He that
goes in the calf's skin that was killed for the prodigal.
He that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid
you forsake your liberty.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I understand thee not.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
No? Why, 'tis a plain case: he
that went like a bass viol in a case of leather; the man,
sir, that when gentlemen are tired gives them a sob and
rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men and
gives them suits of durance; he that sets up his rest to
do more exploits with his mace than a morris-pike.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What, thou meanest an
officer?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band
– he that brings any man to answer it that breaks his
band; one that thinks a man always going to bed, and
says, ‘ God give you good rest!’

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Well, sir, there rest in
your foolery. Is there any ships put forth tonight?
May we be gone?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Why, sir, I brought you word
an hour since that the bark Expedition put forth tonight,
and then were you hindered by the sergeant to tarry for
the hoy Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to
deliver you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
The fellow is distract, and so am I,
And here we wander in illusions.
Some blessed power deliver us from hence!
Enter a Courtesan

COURTESAN
Well met, well met, Master Antipholus.
I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now.
Is that the chain you promised me today?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not!

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Master, is this Mistress Satan?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
It is the devil.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Nay, she is worse, she is the
devil's dam; and here she comes in the habit of a light
wench; and thereof comes that the wenches say ‘ God
damn me ’ – that's as much to say ‘ God make me a light
wench.’ It is written they appear to men like angels of
light. Light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn. Ergo,
light wenches will burn. Come not near her.

COURTESAN
Your man and you are marvellous merry, sir.
Will you go with me? We'll mend our dinner here.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Master, if you do, expect spoon-meat,
or bespeak a long spoon.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Why, Dromio?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, he must have a long
spoon that must eat with the devil.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
(to Courtesan)
Avoid then, fiend. What tellest thou me of supping?
Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress.
I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.

COURTESAN
Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner,
Or for my diamond the chain you promised,
And I'll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Some devils ask but the parings of one's nail,
A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin,
A nut, a cherry stone.
But she, more covetous, would have a chain.
Master, be wise; an if you give it her,
The devil will shake her chain, and fright us with it.

COURTESAN
I pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain!
I hope you do not mean to cheat me so.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Avaunt, thou witch! Come, Dromio, let us go.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
‘ Fly pride,’ says the peacock. Mistress, that you know.
Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and
Dromio of Syracuse

COURTESAN
Now, out of doubt, Antipholus is mad,
Else would he never so demean himself.
A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,
And for the same he promised me a chain.
Both one and other he denies me now.
The reason that I gather he is mad,
Besides this present instance of his rage,
Is a mad tale he told today at dinner
Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.
Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,
On purpose shut the doors against his way.
My way is now to hie home to his house
And tell his wife that, being lunatic,
He rushed into my house and took perforce
My ring away. This course I fittest choose,
For forty ducats is too much to lose.
Exit
Modern text
Act IV, Scene IV
Enter Antipholus of Ephesus with the Officer

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Fear me not, man. I will not break away.
I'll give thee ere I leave thee so much money
To warrant thee as I am 'rested for.
My wife is in a wayward mood today,
And will not lightly trust the messenger
That I should be attached in Ephesus.
I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears.
Enter Dromio of Ephesus with a rope's end
Here comes my man. I think he brings the money.
How now, sir. Have you that I sent you for?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
But where's the money?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
To a rope's end, sir, and to that end am I returned.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.
He beats Dromio

OFFICER
Good sir, be patient.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Nay, 'tis for me to be patient. I am in adversity.

OFFICER
Good now, hold thy tongue.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Thou whoreson, senseless
villain.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I would I were senseless, sir, that
I might not feel your blows.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Thou art sensible in nothing but blows; and so is an ass.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I am an ass, indeed. You may
prove it by my long ears. I have served him from the
hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at
his hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he
heats me with beating. When I am warm, he cools me
with beating. I am waked with it when I sleep, raised
with it when I sit, driven out of doors with it when I
go from home, welcomed home with it when I return;
nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a beggar wont her
brat, and I think when he hath lamed me, I shall beg
with it from door to door.
Enter Adriana, Luciana, the Courtesan, and a schoolmaster
called Pinch

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Come, go along – my wife is coming yonder.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Mistress, respice finem – ‘ respect
your end,’ or rather, to prophesy like the parrot, ‘ beware
the rope's end.’

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Wilt thou still talk?
He beats Dromio

COURTESAN
How say you now? Is not your husband mad?

ADRIANA
His incivility confirms no less.
Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjuror.
Establish him in his true sense again,
And I will please you what you will demand.

LUCIANA
Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!

COURTESAN
Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy.

PINCH
Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.
He strikes Pinch

PINCH
I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man,
To yield possession to my holy prayers,
And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight.
I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Peace, doting wizard, peace. I am not mad.

ADRIANA
O that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
You minion, you, are these your customers?
Did this companion with the saffron face
Revel and feast it at my house today,
Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut,
And I denied to enter in my house?

ADRIANA
O, husband, God doth know you dined at home,
Where would you had remained until this time,
Free from these slanders and this open shame.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Dined at home? (To Dromio) Thou villain, what sayst thou?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Were not my doors locked up, and I shut out?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Perdie, your doors were locked, and you shut out.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
And did not she herself revile me there?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Certes she did. The kitchen vestal scorned you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
And did not I in rage depart from thence?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
In verity you did. My bones bear witness,
That since have felt the vigour of his rage.

ADRIANA
Is't good to soothe him in these contraries?

PINCH
It is no shame. The fellow finds his vein,
And, yielding to him, humours well his frenzy.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Thou hast suborned the goldsmith to arrest me.

ADRIANA
Alas, I sent you money to redeem you,
By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Money by me? Heart and good will you might,
But surely, master, not a rag of money.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Went'st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?

ADRIANA
He came to me, and I delivered it.

LUCIANA
And I am witness with her that she did.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
God and the ropemaker bear me witness
That I was sent for nothing but a rope.

PINCH
Mistress, both man and master is possessed;
I know it by their pale and deadly looks.
They must be bound and laid in some dark room.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
(to Adriana)
Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth today,
(to Dromio of Ephesus)
And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?

ADRIANA
I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
And, gentle master, I received no gold.
But I confess, sir, that we were locked out.

ADRIANA
Dissembling villain, thou speakest false in both.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all,
And art confederate with a damned pack
To make a loathsome abject scorn of me.
But with these nails I'll pluck out these false eyes
That would behold in me this shameful sport.

ADRIANA
O, bind him, bind him, let him not come near me!
Enter three or four and offer to bind him.
He strives

PINCH
More company! The fiend is strong within him.

LUCIANA
Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
What, will you murder me? Thou, gaoler, thou,
I am thy prisoner – wilt thou suffer them
To make a rescue?

OFFICER
Masters, let him go.
He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.

PINCH
Go bind this man, for he is frantic too.
Dromio is bound

ADRIANA
What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?
Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
Do outrage and displeasure to himself?

OFFICER
He is my prisoner. If I let him go
The debt he owes will be required of me.

ADRIANA
I will discharge thee ere I go from thee.
Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,
And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.
Good Master Doctor, see him safe conveyed
Home to my house. O most unhappy day!

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
O most unhappy strumpet!

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Master, I am here entered in bond for you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Out on thee, villain! Wherefore dost thou mad me?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Will you be bound for nothing? Be mad, good master –
Cry ‘ the devil!’.

LUCIANA
God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!

ADRIANA
Go bear him hence. Sister, go you with me.
Exeunt Pinch and his assistants carrying off
Antipholus of Ephesus and Dromio of Epheusus. The
Officer, Adriana, Luciana, and the Courtesan remain
Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?

OFFICER
One Angelo, a goldsmith. Do you know him?

ADRIANA
I know the man. What is the sum he owes?

OFFICER
Two hundred ducats.

ADRIANA
Say, how grows it due?

OFFICER
Due for a chain your husband had of him.

ADRIANA
He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.

COURTESAN
Whenas your husband all in rage today
Came to my house and took away my ring,
The ring I saw upon his finger now,
Straight after did I meet him with a chain.

ADRIANA
It may be so, but I did never see it.
Come, gaoler, bring me where the goldsmith is.
I long to know the truth hereof at large.
Enter Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse,
with their rapiers drawn

LUCIANA
God, for thy mercy, they are loose again!

ADRIANA
And come with naked swords. Let's call more help
To have them bound again.

OFFICER
Away, they'll kill us.
Run all out as fast as may be, frighted

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I see these witches are afraid of swords.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
She that would be your wife now ran from you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Come to the Centaur. Fetch our stuff from thence.
I long that we were safe and sound aboard.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Faith, stay here this night. They
will surely do us no harm. You saw they speak us fair,
give us gold. Methinks they are such a gentle nation
that but for the mountain of mad flesh that claims
marriage of me, I could find in my heart to stay here
still and turn witch.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I will not stay tonight for all the town;
Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.
Exeunt
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