As You Like It

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Original text
Act V, Scene I
Enter Clowne and Awdrie.

Clow.
We shall finde a time Awdrie, patience
gentle Awdrie.

Awd.
Faith the Priest was good enough, for all the olde
gentlemans saying.

Clow.
A most wicked Sir Oliuer, Awdrie, a most
vile Mar-text. But Awdrie, there is a youth heere in the
Forrest layes claime to you.

Awd.
I, I know who 'tis: he hath no interest in mee in
the world: here comes the man you meane.
Enter William.

Clo.
It is meat and drinke to me to see a Clowne,
by my troth, we that haue good wits, haue much to answer
for: we shall be flouting: we cannot hold.

Will.
Good eu'n Audrey.

Aud.
God ye good eu'n William.

Will.
And good eu'n to you Sir.

Clo.
Good eu'n gentle friend. Couer thy head,
couer thy head: Nay prethee bee eouer'd. How olde are
you Friend?

Will.
Fiue and twentie Sir.

Clo.
A ripe age: Is thy name William?

Will.
William, sir.

Clo.
A faire name. Was't borne i'th Forrest heere?

Will.
I sir, I thanke God.

Clo.
Thanke God: A good answer: Art rich?

Will.
'Faith sir, so, so.

Cle.
So, so, is good, very good, very excellent
good: and yet it is not, it is but so, so: Art thou wise?

Will.
I sir, I haue a prettie wit.

Clo.
Why, thou saist well. I do now remember
a saying: The Foole doth thinke he is wise, but the wiseman
knowes himselfe to be a Foole. The Heathen Philosopher,
when he had a desire to eate a Grape, would open
his lips when he put it into his mouth, meaning thereby,
that Grapes were made to eate, and lippes to open. You do
loue this maid?

Will.
I do sit.

Clo.
Giue me your hand: Art thou Learned?

Will.
No sir.

Clo.
Then learne this of me, To haue, is to haue.
For it is a figure in Rhetoricke, that drink being powr'd out
of a cup into a glasse, by filling the one, doth empty the
other. For all your Writers do consent, that ipse is hee:
now you are not ipse, for I am he.

Will.
Which he sir?

Clo.
He sir, that must marrie this woman:
Therefore you Clowne, abandon: which is in the vulgar,
leaue the societie: which in the boorish, is companie,
of this female: which in the common, is woman:
which together, is, abandon the society of this Female,
or Clowne thou perishest: or to thy better vnderstanding,
dyest; or (to wit) I kill thee, make thee away,
translate thy life into death, thy libertie into bondage:
I will deale in poyson with thee, or in bastinado, or in
steele: I will bandy with thee in faction, I will ore-run
thee with police: I will kill thee a hundred and fifty
wayes, therefore tremble and depart.

Aud.
Do good William.

Will.
God rest you merry sir.
Exit
Enter Corin.

Cor.
Our Master and Mistresse seekes you: come away,
away.

Clo.
Trip Audry, trip Audry, I attend, I
attend.
Exeunt
Original text
Act V, Scene II
Enter Orlando & Oliuer.

Orl.
Is't possible, that on so little acquaintance you
should like her? that, but seeing, you should loue her?
And louing woo? and wooing, she should graunt? And
will you perseuer to enioy her?

Ol.
Neither call the giddinesse of it in question; the
pouertie of her, the small acquaintance, my sodaine
woing, nor sodaine consenting: but say with mee,
I loue Aliena: say with her, that she loues mee; consent
with both, that we may enioy each other: it shall be to
your good: for my fathers house, and all the reuennew,
that was old Sir Rowlands will I estate vpon you, and
heere liue and die a Shepherd.
Enter Rosalind.

Orl.
You haue my consent. / Let your Wedding be
to morrow: thither will I / Inuite the Duke, and all's
contented followers: / Go you, and prepare Aliena; for
looke you, / Heere comes my Rosalinde.

Ros.
God saue you brother.

Ol.
And you faire sister.

Ros.
Oh my deere Orlando, how it greeues me to see
thee weare thy heart in a scarfe.

Orl.
It is my arme.

Ros.
I thought thy heart had beene wounded with
the clawes of a Lion.

Orl.
Wounded it is, but with the eyes of a Lady.

Ros.
Did your brother tell you how I counterfeyted
to sound, when he shew'd me your handkercher?

Orl.
I, and greater wonders then that.

Ros.
O, I know where you are: nay, tis true: there
was neuer any thing so sodaine, but the sight of two Rammes,
and Cesars Thrasonicall bragge of I came, saw, and
ouercome. For your brother, and my sister, no sooner met,
but they look'd: no sooner look'd, but they lou'd; no
sooner lou'd, but they sigh'd: no sooner sigh'd but they
ask'd one another the reason: no sooner knew the
reason, but they sought the remedie: and in these
degrees, haue they made a paire of staires to marriage,
which they will climbe incontinent, or else bee incontinent
before marriage; they are in the verie wrath of loue, and
they will together. Clubbes cannot part them.

Orl.
They shall be married to morrow : and I will
bid the Duke to the Nuptiall. But O, how bitter a thing
it is, to looke into happines through another mans eies:
by so much the more shall I to morrow be at the height
of heart heauinesse. by how much I shal thinke my
brother happie, in hauing what he wishes for.

Ros.
Why then to morrow, I cannot serue your
turne for Rosalind?

Orl.
I can liue no longer by thinking.

Ros.
I will wearie you then no longer with idle
talking. Know of me then (for now I speake to some
purpose) that I know you are a Gentleman of good conceit:
I speake not this, that you should beare a good
opinion of my knowledge: insomuch (I say) I know you
are: neither do I labor for a greater esteeme then may
in some little measure draw a beleefe from you, to do
your selfe good, and not to grace me. Beleeue then, if you
please, that I can do strange things: I haue since I was
three yeare old conuerst with a Magitian, most profound
in his Art, and yet not damnable. If you do loue
Rosalinde so neere the hart, as your gesture cries it out:
when your brother marries Aliena, shall you marrie her.
I know into what straights of Fortune she is driuen, and it
is not impossible to me, if it appeare not inconuenient
to you, to set her before your eyes to morrow, humane as
she is, and without any danger.

Orl.
Speak'st thou in sober meanings?

Ros.
By my life I do, which I tender deerly, though
I say I am a Magitian: Therefore put you in your best
aray, bid your friends: for if you will be married
to morrow, you shall: and to Rosalind if you will.
Enter Siluius & Phebe.
Looke, here comes a Louer of mine, and a louer of hers.

Phe.
Youth, you haue done me much vngentlenesse,
To shew the letter that I writ to you.

Ros.
I care not if I haue: it is my studie
To seeme despightfull and vngentle to you:
you are there followed by a faithful shepheard,
Looke vpon him, loue him: he worships you.

Phe.
Good shepheard, tell this youth what 'tis to loue

Sil.
It is to be all made of sighes and teares,
And so am I for Phebe.

Phe.
And I for Ganimed.

Orl.
And I for Rosalind.

Ros.
And I for no woman.

Sil.
It is to be all made of faith and seruice,
And so am I for Phebe.

Phe.
And I for Ganimed.

Orl.
And I for Rosalind.

Ros.
And I for no woman.

Sil.
It is to be all made of fantasie,
All made of passion, and all made of wishes,
All adoration, dutie, and obseruance,
All humblenesse, all patience, and impatience,
All puritie, all triall, all obseruance:
And so am I for Phebe.

Phe.
And so am I for Ganimed.

Orl.
And so am I for Rosalind.

Ros.
And so am I for no woman.

Phe.
If this be so, why blame you me to loue you?

Sil.
If this be so, why blame you me to loue you?

Orl.
If this be so, why blame you me to loue you?

Ros.
Why do you speake too, Why blame you mee to
loue you.

Orl.
To her, that is not heere, nor doth not heare.

Ros.
Pray you no more of this, 'tis like the howling
of Irish Wolues against the Moone : I will
helpe you if I can : I would loue you if I
could : To morrow meet me altogether : I
wil marrie you, if euer I marrie Woman, and Ile be
married to morrow : I will satisfie you, if
euer I satisfi'd man, and you shall bee married to morrow.
I wil content you, if what pleases you
contents you, and you shal be married to morrow:
As you loue Rosalind meet, as
you loue Phebe meet, and as I loue no woman, Ile
meet : so fare you wel: I haue left you commands.

Sil.
Ile not faile, if I liue.

Phe.
Nor I.

Orl.
Nor I.
Exeunt.
Original text
Act V, Scene III
Enter Clowne and Audrey.

Clo.
To morrow is the ioyfull day Audrey,
to morow will we be married.

Aud.
I do desire it with all my heart: and I hope it
is no dishonest desire, to desire to be a woman of ye
world? Heere come two of the banish'd Dukes Pages.
Enter two Pages.

1. Pa.
Wel met honest Gentleman.

Clo.
By my troth well met : come, sit, sit, and
a song.

2. Pa.
We are for you, sit i'th middle.

1. Pa.
Shal we clap into't roundly, without hauking,
or spitting, or saying we are hoarse, which are the
onely prologues to a bad voice.

2. Pa.
I faith, y'faith, and both in a tune like
two gipsies on a horse.
Song.
It was a Louer, and his lasse,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
That o're the greene corne feild did passe,
In the spring time, the onely pretty rang time.
When Birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding.
Sweet Louers loue the spring,
Betweene the acres of the Rie,
With a hey, and a ho, & a hey nonino:
These prettie Country folks would lie.
In spring time, &c.
This Carroll they began that houre,
With a hey and a ho, & a hey nonino:
How that a life was but a Flower,
In spring time, &c.
And therefore take the present time.
With a hey, & a ho, and a hey nonino,
For loue is crowned with the prime.
In spring time, &c.

Clo.
Truly yong Gentlemen, though there was
no great matter in the dittie, yet ye note was very
vntunable

1 Pa.
you are deceiu'd Sir, we kept time, we lost
not our time.

Clo.
By my troth yes: I count it but time lost to
heare such a foolish song. God buy you, and God mend
your voices. Come Audrie.
Exeunt.
Original text
Act V, Scene IV
Enter Duke Senior, Amyens, Iaques, Orlando, Oliuer,
Celia.

Du.Sen.
Dost thou beleeue Orlando, that the boy
Can do all this that he hath promised?

Orl.
I sometimes do beleeue, and somtimes do not,
As those that feare they hope, and know they feare.
Enter Rosalinde, Siluius, & Phebe.

Ros.
Patience once more, whiles our cõpact is vrg'd:
You say, if I bring in your Rosalinde,
You wil bestow her on Orlando heere?

Du.Se.
That would I, had I kingdoms to giue with hir.

Ros.
And you say you wil haue her, when I bring hir?

Orl.
That would I, were I of all kingdomes King.

Ros.
You say, you'l marrie me, if I be willing.

Phe.
That will I, should I die the houre after.

Ros.
But if you do refuse to marrie me,
You'l giue your selfe to this most faithfull Shepheard.

Phe.
So is the bargaine.

Ros.
You say that you'l haue Phebe if she will.

Sil.
Though to haue her and death, were both one thing.

Ros.
I haue promis'd to make all this matter euen :
Keepe you your word, O Duke, to giue your daughter,
You yours Orlando, to receiue his daughter :
Keepe you your word Phebe, that you'l marrie me,
Or else refusing me to wed this shepheard :
Keepe your word Siluius, that you'l marrie her
If she refuse me, and from hence I go
To make these doubts all euen.
Exit Ros. and Celia.

Du.Sen.
I do remember in this shepheard boy,
Some liuely touches of my daughters fauour.

Orl.
My Lord, the first time that I euer saw him,
Me thought he was a brother to your daughrer:
But my good Lord, this Boy is Forrest borne,
And hath bin tutor'd in the rudiments
Of many desperate studies, by his vnckle,
Whom he reports to be a great Magitian.
Enter Clowne and Audrey.
Obscured in the circle of this Forrest.

Iaq.
There is sure another flood toward, and these
couples are comming to the Arke. Here comes a payre of
verie strange beasts, which in all tongues, are call'd Fooles.

Clo.
Salutation and greeting to you all.

Iaq.
Good my Lord, bid him welcome: This is the
Motley-minded Gentleman, that I haue so often met in
the Forrest: he hath bin a Courtier he sweares.

Clo.
If any man doubt that, let him put mee to
my purgation, I haue trod a measure, I haue flattred a
Lady, I haue bin politicke with my friend, smooth with
mine enemie, I haue vndone three Tailors, I haue had
foure quarrels, and like to haue fought one.

Iaq.
And how was that tane vp?

Clo.
'Faith we met, and found the quarrel was
vpon the seuenth cause.

Iaq.
How seuenth cause? Good my Lord, like this
fellow.

Du.Se.
I like him very well.

Clo.
God'ild you sir, I desire you of the like: I
presse in heere sir, amongst the rest of the Country copulatiues
to sweare, and to forsweare, according as mariage
binds and blood breakes: a poore virgin sir, an
il-fauor'd thing sir, but mine owne, a poore humour of
mine sir, to take that that no man else will rich honestie
dwels like a miser sir, in a poore house, as your Pearle in
your foule oyster.

Du.Se.
By my faith, he is very swift, and sententious

Clo.
According to the fooles bolt sir, and such
dulcet diseases.

Iaq.
But for the seuenth cause. How did you finde the
quarrell on the seuenth cause?

Clo.
Vpon a lye, seuen times remoued: (beare
your bodie more seeming Audry) as thus sir: I did
dislike the cut of a certaine Courtiers beard: he sent me
word, if I said his beard was not cut well, hee was in the
minde it was: this is call'd the retort courteous. If I
sent him word againe, it was not well cut, he wold send
me word he cut it to please himselfe: this is call'd the
quip modest. If againe, it was not well cut, he disabled
my iudgment: this is called, the reply churlish. If
againe it was not well cut, he would answer I spake not
true: this is call'd the reproofe valiant. If againe, it was
not well cut, he wold say, I lie: this is call'd the
counter-checke quarrelsome: and so ro lye circumstantiall,
and the lye direct.

Iaq.
And how oft did you say his beard was not well
cut?

Clo.
I durst go no further then the lye circumstantial:
nor he durst not giue me the lye direct: and
so wee measur'd swords, and parted.

Iaq.
Can you nominate in order now, the degrees of the
lye.

Clo.
O sir, we quarrel in print, by the booke: as
you haue bookes for good manners: I will name you the
degrees. The first, the Retort courteous: the second,
the Quip-modest: the third, the reply Churlish: the
fourth, the Reproofe valiant: the fift, the Counterchecke
quarrelsome: the sixt, the Lye with circumstance:
the seauenth, the Lye direct: all these you may
auoyd, but the Lye direct : and you may auoide that too,
with an If. I knew when seuen Iustices could not take
vp a Quarrell, but when the parties were met themselues,
one of them thought but of an If; as if you saide so,
then I saide so: and they shooke hands, and swore
brothers. Your If, is the onely peace-maker: much
vertue in if.

Iaq.
Is not this a rare fellow my Lord? He's as good
at any thing, and yet a foole.

Du.Se.
He vses his folly like a stalking-horse, and vnder the
presentation of that he shoots his wit.
Enter Hymen, Rosalind,
and Celia.Still Musicke.

Hymen.
Then is there mirth in heauen,
When earthly things made eauen
attone together,
Good Duke receiue thy daughter,
Hymen from Heauen brought her,
Yea brought her hether,
That thou mightst ioyne his hand with his,
Whose heart within his bosome is.

Ros.
To you I giue my selfe, for I am yours.
To you I giue my selfe, for I am yours.

Du.Se.
If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.

Orl.
If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.

Phe.
If sight & shape be true,
why then my loue adieu

Ros.
Ile haue no Father, if you be not he:
Ile haue no Husband, if you be not he:
Nor ne're wed woman, if you be not shee.

Hy.
Peace hoa: I barre confusion,
'Tis I must make conclusion
Of these most strange euents:
Here's eight that must take hands,
To ioyne in Hymens bands,
If truth holds true contents.

You and you, no crosse shall part;
You and you, are hart in hart:

You, to his loue must accord,
Or haue a Woman to your Lord.

You and you, are sure together,
As the Winter to fowle Weather:
Whiles a Wedlocke Hymne we sing,
Feede your selues with questioning:
That reason, wonder may diminish
How thus we met, and these things finish.
Song.
Wedding is great Iunos crowne,
O blessed bond of boord and bed:
'Tis Hymen peoples euerie towne,
High wedlock then be honored:
Honor, high honor and renowne
To Hymen, God of euerie Towne.

Du.Se.
O my deere Neece, welcome thou art to me,
Euen daughter welcome, in no lesse degree.

Phe.
I wil not eate my word, now thou art mine,
Thy faith, my fancie to thee doth combine.
Enter Second Brother.

2. Bro.
Let me haue audience for a word or two:
I am the second sonne of old Sir Rowland,
That bring these tidings to this faire assembly.
Duke Frederick hearing how that euerie day
Men of great worth resorted to this forrest,
Addrest a mightie power, which were on foote
In his owne conduct, purposely to take
His brother heere, and put him to the sword:
And to the skirts of this wilde Wood he came;
Where, meeting with an old Religious man,
After some question with him, was conuerted
Both from his enterprize, and from the world:
His crowne bequeathing to his banish'd Brother,
And all their Lands restor'd to him againe
That were with him exil'd. This to be true,
I do engage my life.

Du.Se.
Welcome yong man:
Thou offer'st fairely to thy brothers wedding:
To one his lands with-held, and to the other
A land it selfe at large, a potent Dukedome.
First, in this Forrest, let vs do those ends
That heere wete well begun, and wel begot:
And after, euery of this happie number
That haue endur'd shrew'd daies, and nights with vs,
Shal share the good of our returned fortune,
According to the measure of their states.
Meane time, forget this new-falne dignitie,
And fall into our Rusticke Reuelrie:
Play Musicke, and you Brides and Bride-groomes all,
With measure heap'd in ioy, to'th Measures fall.

Iaq.
Sir, by your patience: if I heard you rightly,
The Duke hath put on a Religious life,
And throwne into neglect the pompous Court.

2. Bro.
He hath.

Iaq.
To him will I: out of these conuertites,
There is much matter to be heard, and learn'd:
you to your former Honor, I bequeath
your patience, and your vertue, well deserues it.
you to a loue, that your true faith doth merit:
you to your land, and loue, and great allies:
you to a long, and well-deserued bed:
And you to wrangling, for thy louing voyage
Is but for two moneths victuall'd: So to your pleasures,
I am for other, then for dancing meazures.

Du.Se.
Stay, Iaques, stay.

Iaq.
To see no pastime, I: what you would haue,
Ile stay to know, at your abandon'd caue.
Exit.

Du.Se.
Proceed, proceed: wee'l begin these rights,
As we do trust, they'l end in true delights.
Exit

Ros.
It is not the fashion to see the Ladie the Epilogue:
but it is no more vnhandsome, then to see the Lord the
Prologue. If it be true, that good wine needs no bush, 'tis
true, that a good play needes no Epilogue. Yet to good
wine they do vse good bushes: and good playes proue
the better by the helpe of good Epilogues: What a case am
I in then, that am neither a good Epilogue, nor cannot
insinuate with you in the behalfe of a good play? I am
not furnish'd like a Begger, therefore to begge will not
become mee. My way is to coniure you, and Ile begin
with the Women. I charge you (O women) for the loue
you beare to men, to like as much of this Play, as please
you: And I charge you (O men) for the loue you beare to
women (as I perceiue by your simpring, none of you
hates them) that betweene you, and the women, the play
may please. If I were a Woman, I would kisse as many of
you as had beards that pleas'd me, complexions that
lik'd me, and breaths that I defi'de not : And I am sure,
as many as haue good beards, or good faces, or sweet
breaths, will for my kind offer, when I make curt'sie,
bid me farewell.
Exit.
Modern text
Act V, Scene I
Enter Touchstone and Audrey

TOUCHSTONE
We shall find a time, Audrey. Patience,
gentle Audrey.

AUDREY
Faith, the priest was good enough, for all the old
gentleman's saying.

TOUCHSTONE
A most wicked Sir Oliver, Audrey, a most
vile Martext. But, Audrey, there is a youth here in the
forest lays claim to you.

AUDREY
Ay, I know who 'tis: he hath no interest in me in
the world. Here comes the man you mean.
Enter William

TOUCHSTONE
It is meat and drink to me to see a clown.
By my troth, we that have good wits have much to answer
for: we shall be flouting, we cannot hold.

WILLIAM
Good even, Audrey.

AUDREY
God ye good even, William.

WILLIAM
And good even to you, sir.

TOUCHSTONE
Good even, gentle friend. Cover thy head,
cover thy head; nay, prithee, be covered. How old are
you, friend?

WILLIAM
Five-and-twenty, sir.

TOUCHSTONE
A ripe age. Is thy name William?

WILLIAM
William, sir.

TOUCHSTONE
A fair name. Wast born i'th' forest here?

WILLIAM
Ay, sir, I thank God.

TOUCHSTONE
‘ Thank God:’ a good answer. Art rich?

WILLIAM
Faith, sir, so so.

TOUCHSTONE
‘ So so ’ is good, very good, very excellent
good; and yet it is not, it is but so so. Art thou wise?

WILLIAM
Ay, sir, I have a pretty wit.

TOUCHSTONE
Why, thou sayest well. I do now remember
a saying: ‘ The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise
man knows himself to be a fool.’ The heathen philosopher,
when he had a desire to eat a grape, would open
his lips when he put it into his mouth, meaning thereby
that grapes were made to eat and lips to open. You do
love this maid?

WILLIAM
I do, sir.

TOUCHSTONE
Give me your hand. Art thou learned?

WILLIAM
No, sir.

TOUCHSTONE
Then learn this of me. To have is to have.
For it is a figure in rhetoric that drink, being poured out
of a cup into a glass, by filling the one doth empty the
other; for all your writers do consent that ‘ ipse ’ is he.
Now, you are not ‘ ipse,’ for I am he.

WILLIAM
Which he, sir?

TOUCHSTONE
He, sir, that must marry this woman.
Therefore, you clown, abandon – which is in the vulgar
‘ leave ’ – the society – which in the boorish is ‘ company ’ –
of this female – which in the common is ‘ woman’ –
which, together, is ‘ abandon the society of this female,’
or, clown, thou perishest; or, to thy better understanding,
diest; or, to wit, I kill thee, make thee away,
translate thy life into death, thy liberty into bondage.
I will deal in poison with thee, or in bastinado, or in
steel; I will bandy with thee in faction; I will o'er-run
thee with policy; I will kill thee a hundred and fifty
ways – therefore tremble and depart.

AUDREY
Do, good William.

WILLIAM
God rest you merry, sir.
Exit
Enter Corin

CORIN
Our master and mistress seeks you: come away,
away.

TOUCHSTONE
Trip, Audrey, trip, Audrey. I attend, I
attend.
Exeunt
Modern text
Act V, Scene II
Enter Orlando and Oliver

ORLANDO
Is't possible, that on so little acquaintance you
should like her? That, but seeing, you should love her?
And loving woo? And, wooing, she should grant? And
will you persever to enjoy her?

OLIVER
Neither call the giddiness of it in question: the
poverty of her, the small acquaintance, my sudden
wooing, nor her sudden consenting; but say with me
‘ I love Aliena;’ say with her that she loves me; consent
with both that we may enjoy each other. It shall be to
your good, for my father's house and all the revenue
that was old Sir Rowland's will I estate upon you, and
here live and die a shepherd.
Enter Rosalind

ORLANDO
You have my consent. Let your wedding be
tomorrow. Thither will I invite the Duke and all's
contented followers. Go you and prepare Aliena; for,
look you, here comes my Rosalind.

ROSALIND
God save you, brother.

OLIVER
And you, fair sister.
Exit

ROSALIND
O my dear Orlando, how it grieves me to see
thee wear thy heart in a scarf.

ORLANDO
It is my arm.

ROSALIND
I thought thy heart had been wounded with
the claws of a lion.

ORLANDO
Wounded it is, but with the eyes of a lady.

ROSALIND
Did your brother tell you how I counterfeited
to sound, when he showed me your handkercher?

ORLANDO
Ay, and greater wonders than that.

ROSALIND
O, I know where you are. Nay, 'tis true; there
was never anything so sudden but the fight of two rams,
and Caesar's thrasonical brag of ‘ I came, saw, and
overcame.’ For your brother and my sister no sooner met
but they looked; no sooner looked but they loved; no
sooner loved but they sighed; no sooner sighed but they
asked one another the reason; no sooner knew the
reason but they sought the remedy: and in these
degrees have they made a pair of stairs to marriage
which they will climb incontinent or else be incontinent
before marriage. They are in the very wrath of love and
they will together; clubs cannot part them.

ORLANDO
They shall be married tomorrow; and I will
bid the Duke to the nuptial. But, O, how bitter a thing
it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes!
By so much the more shall I tomorrow be at the height
of heart-heaviness, by how much I shall think my
brother happy in having what he wishes for.

ROSALIND
Why, then, tomorrow I cannot serve your
turn for Rosalind?

ORLANDO
I can live no longer by thinking.

ROSALIND
I will weary you then no longer with idle
talking. Know of me then, for now I speak to some
purpose, that I know you are a gentleman of good conceit.
I speak not this that you should bear a good
opinion of my knowledge, insomuch I say I know you
are; neither do I labour for a greater esteem than may
in some little measure draw a belief from you to do
yourself good, and not to grace me. Believe then, if you
please, that I can do strange things: I have, since I was
three year old, conversed with a magician, most profound
in his art, and yet not damnable. If you do love
Rosalind so near the heart as your gesture cries it out,
when your brother marries Aliena, shall you marry her.
I know into what straits of fortune she is driven, and it
is not impossible to me, if it appear not inconvenient
to you, to set her before your eyes tomorrow, human as
she is, and without any danger.

ORLANDO
Speakest thou in sober meanings?

ROSALIND
By my life I do, which I tender dearly though
I say I am a magician. Therefore, put you in your best
array, bid your friends; for if you will be married
tomorrow, you shall; and to Rosalind, if you will.
Enter Silvius and Phebe
Look, here comes a lover of mine and a lover of hers.

PHEBE
Youth, you have done me much ungentleness,
To show the letter that I writ to you.

ROSALIND
I care not if I have: it is my study
To seem despiteful and ungentle to you.
You are there followed by a faithful shepherd;
Look upon him, love him: he worships you.

PHEBE
Good shepherd, tell this youth what 'tis to love.

SILVIUS
It is to be all made of sighs and tears,
And so am I for Phebe.

PHEBE
And I for Ganymede.

ORLANDO
And I for Rosalind.

ROSALIND
And I for no woman.

SILVIUS
It is to be all made of faith and service,
And so am I for Phebe.

PHEBE
And I for Ganymede.

ORLANDO
And I for Rosalind.

ROSALIND
And I for no woman.

SILVIUS
It is to be all made of fantasy,
All made of passion, and all made of wishes,
All adoration, duty and observance,
All humbleness, all patience, and impatience,
All purity, all trial, all observance;
And so am I for Phebe.

PHEBE
And so am I for Ganymede.

ORLANDO
And so am I for Rosalind.

ROSALIND
And so am I for no woman.

PHEBE
(to Rosalind)
If this be so, why blame you me to love you?

SILVIUS
(to Phebe)
If this be so, why blame you me to love you?

ORLANDO
If this be so, why blame you me to love you?

ROSALIND
Who do you speak too ‘Why blame you me to
love you?'

ORLANDO
To her that is not here, nor doth not hear.

ROSALIND
Pray you no more of this, 'tis like the howling
of Irish wolves against the moon. (To Silvius) I will
help you, if I can. (To Phebe) I would love you, if I
could. – Tomorrow meet me all together. (To Phebe) I
will marry you if ever I marry woman, and I'll be
married tomorrow. (To Orlando) I will satisfy you, if
ever I satisfied man, and you shall be married tomorrow.
(To Silvius) I will content you, if what pleases you
contents you, and you shall be married tomorrow. (To
Orlando) As you love Rosalind, meet. (To Silvius) As
you love Phebe, meet. – And as I love no woman, I'll
meet. So fare you well; I have left you commands.

SILVIUS
I'll not fail, if I live.

PHEBE
Nor I.

ORLANDO
Nor I.
Exeunt
Modern text
Act V, Scene III
Enter Touchstone and Audrey

TOUCHSTONE
Tomorrow is the joyful day, Audrey.
Tomorrow will we be married.

AUDREY
I do desire it with all my heart; and I hope it
is no dishonest desire to desire to be a woman of the
world? Here come two of the banished Duke's pages.
Enter two Pages

FIRST PAGE
Well met, honest gentleman.

TOUCHSTONE
By my troth, well met. Come, sit, sit, and
a song.

SECOND PAGE
We are for you. Sit i'th' middle.

FIRST PAGE
Shall we clap into't roundly, without hawking,
or spitting, or saying we are hoarse, which are the
only prologues to a bad voice?

SECOND PAGE
I'faith, i'faith; and both in a tune, like
two gipsies on a horse.

PAGES
SONG
It was a lover and his lass,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
That o'er the green corn field did pass,
In the spring time, the only pretty ring time,
When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding,
Sweet lovers love the spring.
Between the acres of the rye,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
These pretty country folks would lie,
In spring time, the only pretty ring time,
When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding,
Sweet lovers love the spring.
This carol they began that hour,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
How that a life was but a flower,
In spring time, the only pretty ring time,
When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding,
Sweet lovers love the spring.
And therefore take the present time,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
For love is crowned with the prime,
In spring time, the only pretty ring time,
When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding,
Sweet lovers love the spring.

TOUCHSTONE
Truly, young gentlemen, though there was
no great matter in the ditty, yet the note was very
untuneable.

FIRST PAGE
You are deceived, sir; we kept time, we lost
not our time.

TOUCHSTONE
By my troth, yes: I count it but time lost to
hear such a foolish song. God buy you, and God mend
your voices! Come, Audrey.
Exeunt
Modern text
Act V, Scene IV
Enter Duke Senior, Amiens, Jaques, Orlando, Oliver,
and Celia

DUKE
Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy
Can do all this that he hath promised?

ORLANDO
I sometimes do believe, and sometimes do not,
As those that fear they hope, and know they fear.
Enter Rosalind, Silvius, and Phebe

ROSALIND
Patience once more, whiles our compact is urged.
(to the Duke) You say, if I bring in your Rosalind,
You will bestow her on Orlando here?

DUKE
That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her.

ROSALIND
(to Orlando)
And you say you will have her, when I bring her?

ORLANDO
That would I, were I of all kingdoms king.

ROSALIND
(to Phebe)
You say you'll marry me, if I be willing?

PHEBE
That will I, should I die the hour after.

ROSALIND
But if you do refuse to marry me,
You'll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd?

PHEBE
So is the bargain.

ROSALIND
(to Silvius)
You say that you'll have Phebe, if she will?

SILVIUS
Though to have her and death were both one thing.

ROSALIND
I have promised to make all this matter even.
Keep you your word, O Duke, to give your daughter;
You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter;
Keep your word, Phebe, that you'll marry me
Or else, refusing me, to wed this shepherd;
Keep your word, Silvius, that you'll marry her.
If she refuse me – and from hence I go,
To make these doubts all even.
Exeunt Rosalind and Celia

DUKE
I do remember in this shepherd boy
Some lively touches of my daughter's favour.

ORLANDO
My lord, the first time that I ever saw him
Methought he was a brother to your daughter.
But, my good lord, this boy is forest-born,
And hath been tutored in the rudiments
Of many desperate studies by his uncle,
Whom he reports to be a great magician,
Enter Touchstone and Audrey
Obscured in the circle of this forest.

JAQUES
There is sure another flood toward, and these
couples are coming to the ark. Here comes a pair of
very strange beasts, which in all tongues are called fools.

TOUCHSTONE
Salutation and greeting to you all!

JAQUES
Good my lord, bid him welcome: this is the
motley-minded gentleman that I have so often met in
the forest. He hath been a courtier, he swears.

TOUCHSTONE
If any man doubt that, let him put me to
my purgation. I have trod a measure, I have flattered a
lady, I have been politic with my friend, smooth with
mine enemy, I have undone three tailors, I have had
four quarrels, and like to have fought one.

JAQUES
And how was that ta'en up?

TOUCHSTONE
Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was
upon the seventh cause.

JAQUES
How seventh cause? – Good my lord, like this
fellow.

DUKE
I like him very well.

TOUCHSTONE
God 'ild you, sir, I desire you of the like. I
press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country copulatives,
to swear and to forswear, according as marriage
binds and blood breaks. A poor virgin, sir, an
ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own, a poor humour of
mine, sir, to take that that no man else will. Rich honesty
dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor house, as your pearl in
your foul oyster.

DUKE
By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.

TOUCHSTONE
According to the fool's bolt, sir, and such
dulcet diseases.

JAQUES
But for the seventh cause. How did you find the
quarrel on the seventh cause?

TOUCHSTONE
Upon a lie seven times removed. – Bear
your body more seeming, Audrey. – As thus, sir. I did
dislike the cut of a certain courtier's beard. He sent me
word, if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the
mind it was: this is called the Retort Courteous. If I
sent him word again it was not well cut, he would send
me word he cut it to please himself: this is called the
Quip Modest. If again ‘ it was not well cut,’ he disabled
my judgement: this is called the Reply Churlish. If
again ‘ it was not well cut,’ he would answer, I spake not
true: this is called the Reproof Valiant. If again ‘ it was
not well cut,’ he would say, I lie: this is called the
Countercheck Quarrelsome: and so to Lie Circumstantial
and the Lie Direct.

JAQUES
And how oft did you say his beard was not well
cut?

TOUCHSTONE
I durst go no further than the Lie Circumstantial,
nor he durst not give me the Lie Direct. And
so we measured swords and parted.

JAQUES
Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the
lie?

TOUCHSTONE
O sir, we quarrel in print, by the book, as
you have books for good manners. I will name you the
degrees. The first, the Retort Courteous; the second,
the Quip Modest; the third, the Reply Churlish; the
fourth, the Reproof Valiant; the fifth, the Countercheck
Quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with Circumstance;
the seventh, the Lie Direct. All these you may
avoid but the Lie Direct; and you may avoid that too,
with an ‘ If.’ I knew when seven justices could not take
up a quarrel, but when the parties were met themselves,
one of them thought but of an ‘ If ’: as, ‘ If you said so,
then I said so;’ and they shook hands and swore
brothers. Your ‘ If ’ is the only peace maker; much
virtue in ‘ If.’

JAQUES
Is not this a rare fellow, my lord? He's as good
at anything, and yet a fool.

DUKE
He uses his folly like a stalking-horse, and under the
presentation of that he shoots his wit.
Enter a masquer representing Hymen, and Rosalind
and Celia as themselves. Still music

HYMEN
Then is there mirth in heaven,
When earthly things, made even,
Atone together.
Good Duke, receive thy daughter,
Hymen from heaven brought her,
Yea, brought her hither
That thou mightst join her hand with his
Whose heart within her bosom is.

ROSALIND
(to the Duke)
To you I give myself, for I am yours.
(to Orlando)
To you I give myself, for I am yours.

DUKE
If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.

ORLANDO
If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.

PHEBE
If sight and shape be true,
Why then, my love adieu!

ROSALIND
(to the Duke)
I'll have no father, if you be not he;
(to Orlando)
I'll have no husband, if you be not he;
(to Phebe)
Nor ne'er wed woman, if you be not she.

HYMEN
Peace, ho! I bar confusion.
'Tis I must make conclusion
Of these most strange events.
Here's eight that must take hands,
To join in Hymen's bands,
If truth holds true contents.
(to Orlando and Rosalind)
You and you no cross shall part;
(to Oliver and Celia)
You and you are heart in heart;
(to Phebe)
You to his love must accord,
Or have a woman to your lord;
(to Touchstone and Audrey)
You and you are sure together,
As the winter to foul weather.
Whiles a wedlock-hymn we sing,
Feed yourselves with questioning,
That reason wonder may diminish
How thus we met, and these things finish.
SONG
Wedding is great Juno's crown,
O blessed bond of board and bed;
'Tis Hymen peoples every town,
High wedlock then be honoured;
Honour, high honour and renown
To Hymen, god of every town!

DUKE
O my dear niece, welcome thou art to me,
Even daughter, welcome, in no less degree.

PHEBE
(to Silvius)
I will not eat my word, now thou art mine,
Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine.
Enter Second Brother, Jaques de Boys

JAQUES DE BOYS
Let me have audience for a word or two.
I am the second son of old Sir Rowland
That bring these tidings to this fair assembly.
Duke Frederick, hearing how that every day
Men of great worth resorted to this forest,
Addressed a mighty power, which were on foot,
In his own conduct, purposely to take
His brother here and put him to the sword;
And to the skirts of this wild wood he came,
Where, meeting with an old religious man,
After some question with him, was converted
Both from his enterprise and from the world,
His crown bequeathing to his banished brother,
And all their lands restored to them again
That were with him exiled. This to be true,
I do engage my life.

DUKE
Welcome, young man.
Thou offerest fairly to thy brothers' wedding:
To one his lands withheld, and to the other
A land itself at large, a potent dukedom.
First, in this forest, let us do those ends
That here were well begun and well begot;
And after, every of this happy number
That have endured shrewd days and nights with us
Shall share the good of our returned fortune
According to the measure of their states.
Meantime, forget this new-fallen dignity,
And fall into our rustic revelry:
Play, music, and you, brides and bridegrooms all,
With measure heaped in joy, to th' measures fall.

JAQUES
Sir, by your patience. – If I heard you rightly,
The Duke hath put on a religious life,
And thrown into neglect the pompous court?

JAQUES DE BOYS
He hath.

JAQUES
To him will I: out of these convertites
There is much matter to be heard and learned.
(to the Duke)
You to your former honour I bequeath:
Your patience and your virtue well deserves it;
(to Orlando)
You to a love that your true faith doth merit;
(to Oliver)
You to your land, and love, and great allies;
(to Silvius)
You to a long and well deserved bed;
(to Touchstone)
And you to wrangling, for thy loving voyage
Is but for two months victualled. – So to your pleasures:
I am for other than for dancing measures.

DUKE
Stay, Jaques, stay.

JAQUES
To see no pastime, I. What you would have
I'll stay to know at your abandoned cave.
Exit

DUKE
Proceed, proceed. We'll begin these rites
As we do trust they'll end, in true delights.
Exeunt all except Rosalind

ROSALIND
It is not the fashion to see the lady the epilogue,
but it is no more unhandsome than to see the lord the
prologue. If it be true that good wine needs no bush, 'tis
true that a good play needs no epilogue. Yet to good
wine they do use good bushes, and good plays prove
the better by the help of good epilogues. What a case am
I in, then, that am neither a good epilogue nor cannot
insinuate with you in the behalf of a good play? I am
not furnished like a beggar; therefore to beg will not
become me. My way is to conjure you, and I'll begin
with the women. I charge you, O women, for the love
you bear to men, to like as much of this play as please
you; and I charge you, O men, for the love you bear to
women – as I perceive by your simpering, none of you
hates them – that between you and the women the play
may please. If I were a woman, I would kiss as many of
you as had beards that pleased me, complexions that
liked me, and breaths that I defied not; and, I am sure,
as many as have good beards, or good faces, or sweet
breaths, will, for my kind offer, when I make curtsy,
bid me farewell.
Exit
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