The Merry Wives of Windsor


Text
Act I
Act II
Act III
Act IV
Act V
Enter Evans and Simple


EVANS

I pray you now, good Master Slender's servingman,

and friend Simple by your name, which way have

you looked for Master Caius, that calls himself Doctor

of Physic?
physic (n.) 1 medicine, healing, treatment See Topics: Frequency count


SIMPLE

Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward,
park-ward (n.) direction of Windsor Great Park
pittie-ward (n.) direction of Windsor Little Park

every way; Old Windsor way, and every way but the

town way.


EVANS

I most fehemently desire you you will also look

that way.


SIMPLE

I will, sir.

Exit


EVANS

Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and
choler (n.) anger, rage, wrath

trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have deceived

me. How melancholies I am! I will knog his urinals
urinal (n.) medical vessel for holding urine

about his knave's costard when I have good opportunities
costard (n.) [jocular: large kind of apple] head
knave (n.) 1 scoundrel, rascal, rogue See Topics: Frequency count

for the 'ork. Pless my soul!

He sings

To shallow rivers, to whose falls

Melodious birds sings madrigals.

There will we make our peds of roses,

And a thousand fragrant posies.

To shallow –

Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry.

He sings

Melodious birds sing madrigals –

Whenas I sat in Pabylon –

And a thousand vagram posies.
vagram (adj.) malapropism for ‘vagrant’; or: mispronunciation of ‘fragrant’

To shallow, etc.

Enter Simple


SIMPLE

Yonder he is, coming this way, Sir Hugh.


EVANS

He's welcome.

He sings

To shallow rivers, to whose falls –

Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he?


SIMPLE

No weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master

Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over

the stile, this way.


EVANS

Pray you, give me my gown – or else keep it in

your arms.

He takes a book and reads it

Enter Page, Shallow, and Slender


SHALLOW

How now, Master Parson? Good morrow, good
morrow (n.) morning See Topics: Frequency count

Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good

student from his book, and it is wonderful.


SLENDER

(aside)

Ah, sweet Anne Page!


PAGE

Save you, good Sir Hugh!


EVANS

Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!


SHALLOW

What, the sword and the word? Do you study
word (n.) 4 word of God

them both, Master Parson?


PAGE

And youthful still – in your doublet and hose this

raw rheumatic day?
rheumatic (adj.) 2 likely to cause rheumatism


EVANS

There is reasons and causes for it.


PAGE

We are come to you to do a good office, Master
office (n.) 5 service, sympathy, kindness

Parson.


EVANS

Fery well. What is it?


PAGE

Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike,
belike (adv.) probably, presumably, perhaps, so it seems See Topics: Frequency count
reverend (adj.) revered, worthy, respected

having received wrong by some person, is at most odds
odds (n. plural) 4 quarrel, disagreement, strife

with his own gravity and patience that ever you saw.


SHALLOW

I have lived fourscore years and upward. I

never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning so
place (n.) 1 position, post, office, rank See Topics: Frequency count

wide of his own respect.
respect (n.) 4 esteem, status, honour
wide (adj.) 2 distant, removed, moving astray [from]


EVANS

What is he?


PAGE

I think you know him: Master Doctor Caius, the

renowned French physician.


EVANS

Got's will and his passion of my heart! I had as

lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.
lief, had as should like just as much See Topics: Frequency count


PAGE

Why?


EVANS

He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and

Galen – and he is a knave besides, a cowardly knave as
knave (n.) 1 scoundrel, rascal, rogue See Topics: Frequency count

you would desires to be acquainted withal.


PAGE

I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him.
warrant (v.) 1 assure, promise, guarantee, confirm See Topics: Frequency count


SLENDER

(aside)

O sweet Anne Page!


SHALLOW

It appears so by his weapons.

Enter Host, Caius, and Rugby

Keep them asunder; here comes Doctor Caius.

Evans and Caius offer to fight
offer (v.) 1 attempt, start, try, make a move


PAGE

Nay, good master Parson, keep in your weapon.


SHALLOW

So do you, good Master Doctor.


HOST

Disarm them, and let them question. Let them keep
question (v.) 4 discuss the matter, talk things over

their limbs whole and hack our English.


CAIUS

I pray you let-a me speak a word with your ear.

Verefore vill you not meet-a me?


EVANS

(aside to Caius)

Pray you, use your patience.

(Aloud) In good time.


CAIUS

By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.
jack-dog (n./adj.) mongrel, currish, mutt-like


EVANS

(aside to Caius)

Pray you, let us not be laughing-stocks

to other men's humours. I desire you in friendship,
humour (n.) 2 fancy, whim, inclination, caprice

and I will one way or other make you amends.

(Aloud) I will knog your urinals about your knave's

cogscombs for missing your meetings and

appointments.


CAIUS

Diable! Jack Rugby, mine host de Jarteer, have I

not stay for him to kill him? Have I not, at de place I

did appoint?


EVANS

As I am a Christians soul, now, look you, this is the

place appointed. I'll be judgement by mine host of the

Garter.


HOST

Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh,

soul-curer and body-curer.


CAIUS

Ay, dat is very good, excellent.


HOST

Peace, I say. Hear mine host of the Garter. Am I

politic? Am I subtle? Am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose
Machiavel (n.) master of intrigue, political schemer
politic (adj.) 3 cunning, full of intrigue, wily
subtle, subtile (adj.) 1 crafty, cunning, wily

my doctor? No; he gives me the potions and the

motions. Shall I lose my parson? My priest? My Sir
motion (n.) 12 bowel movement

Hugh? No; he gives me the proverbs and the no-verbs.
no-verb (n.) word of warning; or: non-existing word

Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me thy hand,

celestial; so. Boys of art, I have deceived you both. I have
art (n.) 1 knowledge, learning, scholarship, science

directed you to wrong places. Your hearts are mighty,

your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue.
burnt (adj.) mulled, heated
issue (n.) 2 outcome, result, consequence(s) See Topics: Frequency count
sack (n.) [type of] white wine

Come, lay their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of
pawn (n.) pledge, surety, forfeit

peace; follow, follow, follow.

Exit


SHALLOW

Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen,
trust me believe me See Topics: Discourse markers

follow.


SLENDER

(aside)

O sweet Anne Page!

Exeunt Shallow, Slender, and Page


CAIUS

Ha, do I perceive dat? Have you make-a de sot of
sot (n.) blockhead, idiot, dolt

us, ha, ha?


EVANS

This is well. He has made us his vlouting-stog. I
vlouting-stock, -stog (n.) dialect form of ‘flouting-stock’ [= laughing-stock, object of derision] See Topics: Welsh

desire you that we may be friends, and let us knog our

prains together to be revenge on this same scald, scurvy,
scald, scall, scauld (adj.) contemptible, vile, scabby

cogging companion, the host of the Garter.
cogging (adj.) deceiving, cheating, double-crossing
companion (n.) 1 rogue, rascal, fellow


CAIUS

By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me

where is Anne Page. By gar, he deceive me too.


EVANS

Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you follow.
smite (v.), past forms smote, smit 1 strike, hit (often, with great force)

Exeunt

 
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