Twelfth Night


Text
Act I
Act II
Act III
Act IV
Act V
Enter Sir Toby and Sir Andrew


SIR TOBY

Approach, Sir Andrew. Not to be abed after

midnight, is to be up betimes, and diluculo surgere,
betimes (adv.) 1 early in the morning, at an early hour
diluculo... to rise at dawn See Topics: Latin

thou knowest –


SIR ANDREW

Nay, by my troth, I know not; but I know

to be up late is to be up late.


SIR TOBY

A false conclusion! I hate it as an unfilled can.
false (adj.) 4 wrong, mistaken

To be up after midnight and to go to bed then is early;

so that to go to bed after midnight is to go to bed betimes.

Does not our lives consist of the four elements?
element (n.) 1 (plural) substances from which all material things are made [believed to be earth, water, air, fire]


SIR ANDREW

Faith, so they say; but I think it rather consists

of eating and drinking.


SIR TOBY

Thou'rt a scholar. Let us therefore eat and

drink. Marian, I say! A stoup of wine!
stoup (n.) cup, flagon, jug, tankard

Enter Feste


SIR ANDREW

Here comes the fool, i'faith.


FESTE

How now, my hearts! Did you never see the picture

of We Three?


SIR TOBY

Welcome, ass! Now let's have a catch.
catch (n.) musical round


SIR ANDREW

By my troth, the fool has an excellent breast.
breast (n.) 1 singing voice, pair of lungs

I had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg, and so
leg (n.) 1 bending of a knee, genuflection, obeisance

sweet a breath to sing, as the fool has. In sooth, thou

wast in very gracious fooling last night, when thou
gracious (adj.) 8 pleasing, agreeable, inspired

spok'st of Pigrogromitus, of the Vapians passing the

equinoctial of Queubus. 'Twas very good, i'faith. I sent
equinoctial (n.) [mock-astronomy] equator [celestial or terrestrial]

thee sixpence for thy leman, hadst it?
leman (n.) lover, paramour, sweetheart


FESTE

I did impetticoat thy gratillity; for Malvolio's nose
gratillity (n.) humorous version of ‘gratuity’

is no whipstock, my lady has a white hand, and the
whipstock (n.) whip-handle

Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses.
bottle-ale (adj.) dissolute, degenerate, low


SIR ANDREW

Excellent! Why, this is the best fooling,

when all is done. Now, a song!


SIR TOBY

Come on, there is sixpence for you. Let's have a

song.


SIR ANDREW

There's a testril of me, too. If one knight
tester, testril (n.) sixpenny piece See Topics: Money

give a –


FESTE

Would you have a love song, or a song of good life?
song of good life drinking song


SIR TOBY

A love song! A love song!


SIR ANDREW

Ay, ay, I care not for good life.


FESTE

(sings)

O mistress mine! Where are you roaming?

O, stay and hear: your true love's coming,

That can sing both high and low.

Trip no further, pretty sweeting;
sweeting (n.) 1 sweetheart, darling, dearest See Topics: Address forms

Journeys end in lovers meeting,

Every wise man's son doth know.


SIR ANDREW

Excellent good, i'faith.


SIR TOBY

Good, good.


FESTE

(sings)

What is love? 'Tis not hereafter;

Present mirth hath present laughter,

What's to come is still unsure.
still (adv.) 1 constantly, always, continually See Topics: Frequency count

In delay there lies no plenty –

Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty,
twenty, and [ballad catch phrase, used as an intensifer] and many more See Topics: Numbers

Youth's a stuff will not endure.


SIR ANDREW

A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.


SIR TOBY

A contagious breath.
breath (n.) 2 voice, song, sound
contagious (adj.) 2 infectious, catchy


SIR ANDREW

Very sweet and contagious, i'faith.


SIR TOBY

To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion.
contagion (n.) 1 contagious quality, infecting influence
dulcet (adj.) sweet, mild, pleasant, agreeable

But shall we make the welkin dance indeed? Shall we
welkin (n.) sky, firmament, heavens

rouse the night-owl in a catch that will draw three souls
catch (n.) musical round
soul (n.) 1 driving force, animating principle

out of one weaver? Shall we do that?


SIR ANDREW

An you love me, let's do't. I am dog at a
dog at, be a be adept at, be experienced in

catch.
catch (n.) musical round


FESTE

By'r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.


SIR ANDREW

Most certain. Let our catch be ‘ Thou

knave.’
knave (n.) 1 scoundrel, rascal, rogue See Topics: Frequency count


FESTE

‘ Hold thy peace, thou knave,’ knight? I shall be

constrained in't to call thee knave, knight.
knave (n.) 1 scoundrel, rascal, rogue See Topics: Frequency count


SIR ANDREW

'Tis not the first time I have constrained

one to call me knave. Begin, fool; it begins (he sings)

‘ Hold thy peace – ’


FESTE

I shall never begin if I hold my peace.


SIR ANDREW

Good, i'faith. Come, begin!

Catch sung. Enter Maria


MARIA

What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my lady

have not called up her steward Malvolio and bid him

turn you out of doors, never trust me.


SIR TOBY

My lady's a – Cataian; we are – politicians;
Cataian, Cathayan (n.) [from Cathay = China] scoundrel, rogue, villain
politician (n.) schemer, intriguer, plotter

Malvolio's a – Peg-a-Ramsey; and (he sings)
Peg-a-Ramsey (n.) [dance tune] name of a spying wife in a contemporary ballad See Topics: Contemporary figures, factual and fictitious

Three merry men be we!

Am not I consanguineous? Am I not of her blood?
consanguineous (adj.) related in blood, of the same family

Tilly-vally! ‘ Lady ’! (He sings)
tilly-fally, tilly-vally (int.) nonsense, fiddlesticks See Topics: Exclamations

There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady –


FESTE

Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling.
beshrew, 'shrew (v.) 1 curse, devil take, evil befall See Topics: Frequency count


SIR ANDREW

Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed,
disposed (adj.) 4 inclined to be merry, feeling playful

and so do I too. He does it with a better grace, but I do

it more natural.
natural (adv.) like a half-wit, idiotically


SIR TOBY

(sings)

O' the twelfth day of December –


MARIA

For the love o' God, peace!

Enter Malvolio


MALVOLIO

My masters, are you mad? Or what are you?

Have you no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble
honesty (n.) 4 decency, decorum, good manners
wit (n.) 1 intelligence, wisdom, good sense, mental ability See Topics: Frequency count

like tinkers at this time of night? Do ye make an ale-house

of my lady's house, that ye squeak out your

coziers' catches without any mitigation or remorse of
catch (n.) musical round
cozier (n.) cobbler
mitigation (n.) lowering, softening, quietening
remorse (n.) 3 consideration, thoughtfulness for others

voice? Is there no respect of place, persons, nor time in

you?


SIR TOBY

We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up!
catch (n.) musical round
sneck up (v.) buzz off, go hang


MALVOLIO

Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady
round (adj.) 1 blunt, forthright, straight, plain-spoken

bade me tell you that, though she harbours you as her
bid (v.), past form bade 1 command, order, enjoin, tell

kinsman, she's nothing allied to your disorders. If you

can separate yourself and your misdemeanours, you are

welcome to the house. If not, an it would please you to

take leave of her, she is very willing to bid you farewell.


SIR TOBY

(sings)

Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone –


MARIA

Nay, good Sir Toby!


FESTE

(sings)

His eyes do show his days are almost done –


MALVOLIO

Is't even so!


SIR TOBY

(sings)

But I will never die –


FESTE

(sings)

Sir Toby, there you lie –


MALVOLIO

This is much credit to you!


SIR TOBY

(sings)

Shall I bid him go?


FESTE

(sings)

What an if you do?


SIR TOBY

(sings)

Shall I bid him go and spare not?


FESTE

(sings)

O no, no, no, no, you dare not!


SIR TOBY

Out o' tune, sir, ye lie. (To Malvolio) Art any

more than a steward? Dost thou think, because thou art

virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?


FESTE

Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i'the

mouth, too.


SIR TOBY

Th' art i'the right. (To Malvolio) Go, sir, rub

your chain with crumbs. A stoup of wine, Maria!
chain (n.) chain of office


MALVOLIO

Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady's favour

at anything more than contempt, you would not give

means for this uncivil rule. She shall know of it, by this

hand!

Exit


MARIA

Go, shake your ears.


SIR ANDREW

'Twere as good a deed as to drink when a

man's a-hungry, to challenge him the field and then to

break promise with him and make a fool of him.
field (n.) 2 duelling place


SIR TOBY

Do't, knight, I'll write thee a challenge; or I'll

deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth.


MARIA

Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for tonight. Since the

youth of the Count's was today with my lady, she is

much out of quiet. For Monsieur Malvolio, let me alone

with him. If I do not gull him into a nayword, and make
gull (v.) deceive, dupe, trick
nayword, nay-word (n.) 2 byword, proverb

him a common recreation, do not think I have wit
recreation (n.) 2 source of amusement, figure of fun
wit (n.) 1 intelligence, wisdom, good sense, mental ability See Topics: Frequency count

enough to lie straight in my bed. I know I can do it.


SIR TOBY

Possess us, possess us, tell us something of him.
possess (v.) 1 notify, inform, acquaint


MARIA

Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of puritan –


SIR ANDREW

O, if I thought that, I'd beat him like a dog.


SIR TOBY

What, for being a puritan? Thy exquisite reason,
exquisite (adj.) 2 ingenious, abstruse, far-fetched

dear knight?


SIR ANDREW

I have no exquisite reason for't, but I have

reason good enough.


MARIA

The devil a puritan that he is, or anything, constantly,
constantly (adv.) 2 resolutely, steadfastly, steadily

but a time-pleaser, an affectioned ass that cons
affectioned (adj.) affected, pretentious, self-willed
con (v.) 1 learn by heart, commit to memory
time-pleaser (n.) time-server, follower of fashion

state without book and utters it by great swathes; the
book, without off by heart, by rote
state (n.) 14 stately phrasing, high-flown expressions
swarth (n.) swathe, strip, chunk

best persuaded of himself, so crammed, as he thinks,

with excellencies, that it is his grounds of faith that all

that look on him love him – and on that vice in him will

my revenge find notable cause to work.


SIR TOBY

What wilt thou do?


MARIA

I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of

love; wherein, by the colour of his beard, the shape of

his leg, the manner of his gait, the expressure of his eye,
expressure (n.) 2 expression, attitude, look
gait (n.) 1 manner of walking, bearing, movement

forehead, and complexion, he shall find himself most

feelingly personated. I can write very like my lady, your
feelingly (adv.) 1 pertinently, aptly, to the point
personate (v.) 1 describe, represent, delineate

niece; on a forgotten matter we can hardly make

distinction of our hands.


SIR TOBY

Excellent! I smell a device.
device (n.) 1 plot, stratagem, trick


SIR ANDREW

I have't in my nose too.


SIR TOBY

He shall think by the letters that thou wilt

drop that they come from my niece, and that she's in

love with him.


MARIA

My purpose is indeed a horse of that colour.
purpose (n.) 1 intention, aim, plan See Topics: Frequency count


SIR ANDREW

And your horse now would make him an

ass.


MARIA

Ass, I doubt not.


SIR ANDREW

O, 'twill be admirable!


MARIA

Sport royal, I warrant you. I know my physic will
physic (n.) 1 medicine, healing, treatment See Topics: Frequency count
sport (n.) 1 recreation, amusement, entertainment See Topics: Frequency count
warrant (v.) 1 assure, promise, guarantee, confirm See Topics: Frequency count

work with him. I will plant you two, and let the fool

make a third, where he shall find the letter. Observe his

construction of it. For this night, to bed, and dream on
construction (n.) 1 interpretation, reading, explanation

the event. Farewell.
event (n.) outcome, issue, consequence

Exit


SIR TOBY

Good night, Penthesilea.


SIR ANDREW

Before me, she's a good wench.
wench (n.) girl, lass See Topics: Frequency count


SIR TOBY

She's a beagle true bred, and one that adores

me – what o' that?


SIR ANDREW

I was adored once, too.


SIR TOBY

Let's to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for

more money.


SIR ANDREW

If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul
recover (v.) 2 get hold of, obtain, get

way out.
out (adv.) 8 out of pocket


SIR TOBY

Send for money, knight. If thou hast her not

i'the end, call me cut.
cut (n.) 3 work-horse, nag


SIR ANDREW

If I do not, never trust me, take it how you

will.


SIR TOBY

Come, come, I'll go burn some sack, 'tis too
burn (v.) 1 warm up, spice up
sack (n.) [type of] white wine

late to go to bed now. Come, knight; come, knight.

Exeunt

 
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